Change is a brewin'

Hey boo,

How's it going? In general, it's the same ol', same ol' over here, but change is also beginning too.

I think things will definitely be changing over the next year for me. Or, at least I hope they will be.

I've been working on figuring what I want to be when I grow up, and I am slowly moving in that direction. I know it won't fix things for me, but I think it is actually something that might help make life more bearable.

I'm not sitting around waiting for opportunities to fall in my lap, but if you are somewhere that you can pull some strings, try to help me move in the right direction as I search.

I always have a hard time when people say "things happen for a reason." I have trouble subscribing to that idea because why are such horrible monsters of people allowed to exist while a loving father gets taken away? But then sometimes I wonder if I am supposed to be doing something great. I won't be changing the world, but I might make a difference for a few people that could help the generations following them.

Kind of like a ripple, I guess. If I help 2 people, and then they each help 2 more, and then those people each help another 2, before you know it, that could be a major impact.

But then I step back and think, well, I could have done that with you here! Was this the slap in the face I needed to push me towards that? Because it was way more than a slap, it was more like getting hit by a train...

Anyways, I miss you so much. I never stop getting the urge to really email you. Or have that split second thought that when I get an email notification, it might be something from you. Will that ever go away?

The kids miss you too. Will is talking so much, and I realized I never taught him how to say Daddy, so I've been working with him more on that. He says "Dah-dee!" And when I show him a picture and say "Where's Daddy?" He points to you and says "Dare!" (which means "there.")

Violet loves to ask questions. We have a family picture hanging on the wall, and when I'm standing by it, she says "2 mommies!" (which might be strange if she starts saying that in public.) But it's because there is a mommy in the picture and a mommy standing in real life.

And then she says "Daddy!" And I say "Yup, there's Daddy in the picture." And she asks "Where is Daddy though?" (though is one of her favorite words, she says it a lot at the end of sentences.) And I say "Remember, Daddy died." And she says "Why?" And I say, "Because he got very, very, very, very, very, very, very sick." (the "books" say to use a bazillion "verys" so that kids know the difference between regular sick, and won't think they are going to die when they have a cold or something.) And she says "Why?" And I say "Because he got a big, big, big, big, big, big owie and his body wouldn't work anymore." (again, something the books say to say.) And she says "Why?" And I finally just have to say "I don't know baby..."

I wish I knew "Why?"

Anyways, that's it for now. I miss you.

Hearts.

Potty Training Stories

Hey boo,

How's it going?

I wish you here for this potty training thing. I wonder how you would handle all of it. Sometimes I handle it OK, and other times these girls drive me absolutely bonkers! And then there are still other times that they just make me crack up.

The other day, Violet was going potty on the big potty, and Charlotte was on the little potty. They were actually both going #2.

So Violet is pushing away and of course, she poops. And she looks down and says, "Whoa! That's a lot of them!!!" And then she looks at me and says, "Look Mom! I got a lot of poop!"

Sigh... No, I didn't go look. I just said, "Wow, that's awesome..." from where I was standing in the doorway.

But Charlotte stands up from her potty and says "Let me see!"

And Violet says "Look Char!" and points into the toilet.

Charlotte does her funny oh-face (ugh, I know, horrible term but that is the only way to describe it!), and she looks at me and says "It's like fishies!"

That made me laugh so big! Those girls are nuts.

As if my world didn't revolve around poop enough... I feel like potty training has made it even MORE the central focus of my life!

Ugh... poop...

OK, that's it. Hearts.

Just Sad

Hey boo,

How's it going? I'm feeling exceptionally sad today...

I think about all those families affected by today, and my heart hurts even more for them. It's strange, because I've had my own heartbreak, but I still can't imagine what their pain is like. I know what they feel, but I don't know what they feel. If that makes sense?

Basically, everyone's story is different. And just the entire tragedy and horror around what happened to those families makes me completely unable to relate to them.

Sigh...

I'm also extra sad because the kids are growing up so fast. I wish so much that you could see them. You would be so proud. Even though they make me crazy, they are so awesome at the same time.

And they are so funny. Sometimes it's hard not to laugh at them when I'm frustrated/angry with them. I guess they have your talent for making me smile when I don't want to.

I'm potty training the girls, and it's just chaos. The girls have to go pee at least 905,489 times before bed. It now takes an extra hour for them to go to sleep because of it. Tonight it was 9:40 before they went potty for the last time.

Last weekend, during one of Violet's millionth trips to go potty, there was no pee coming out. I was more than frustrated and exhausted. She was just playing in there, touching everything, which totally grosses me out.

So I'm say "Violet, don't touch anything! Just go pee! If I don't see any pee coming out, I'm going to be very mad!"

So she leans over and touches the counter.

And I say, "Violet!!! I said DO NOT touch anything!"

And she just looks up at me, and whispers softly, "I touch my leg." And then touches her leg with one finger.

GAH! That girl. It was so bratty but so funny at the same time. I don't even remember how I responded to that, I was just like, oh my word... Seriously, that girl is something else...

I have about 1000 more potty training stories. But I'm too tired to share right now.

But you should just see these kids. The girls are suddenly so tall, and just looking so grown up. Charlotte's hair is so long, I love it. Sometimes just the way they stand, or walk... Ugh, I don't know how to explain it, but I can just see how they are growing.

And that makes me sad, because I always want to freeze them at their current age, so they don't grow any older. I want them to my babies forever.

The girls already says "I'm not a baby!" whenever I say something like "Come here baby."

And Will... Oh, Will... He is turning in to a boy! He is so chill and relaxed, but when he gets angry, watch out! He can be rough.

He can say so many words now. He really communicates well, I know exactly what he wants or needs. And he KNOWS he's the baby. He can just give me this sad little look, and I come running to give him hugs. He's going to be spoiled.

All the kids are going to be spoiled.

I'm a big fan of "not crying," so I feel like I appease whatever they want... Because most of it doesn't matter.

So you want to wear those yellow and white polka dot pants with a pink shirt that has a brown monkey on it. Go for it. It's just clothes.

So you want me to move your chair to that side of the table during dinner. Fine. As long as you're eating, I don't care where you sit.

The main things I really lay the law down is hitting, biting, pushing, or other general meanness that happens. I also am working on stealing toys. I'm big into teaching them to ask the other person nicely, and if the other person says "No!" Then you have to accept that because they were playing with it first, and you ask them if they will give it to you when their turn is done. You have to be patient and wait for it.

Yeah... we're working on that... I'd say we're 20% there... :-)

I don't know. I'm just rambling. I'm looking at "your spot" where you should be sitting, and I am missing you so much.

Have I mentioned how much this sucks?

Ok, lovebuckets...

It's Just Office Furniture

Hey boo,

How's it going?

You know what I'm thinking?

It's. Just. Office. Furniture.

We aren't curing cancer. We aren't creating world peace.

IT'S JUST OFFICE FURNITURE!!!

Calm down people. Take a few deep breaths. The design of this office furniture is NOT going to end the world.

So ya know what?

Keep Calm

It's Just

Office Furniture

Yeah, I'm annoyed.

Ok, that's it. I can't even describe how much I want to talk to you and bitch about stuff. You would understand.

I miss you.

Ok, hearts.