Wednesday, January 29, 2014

More Acts of Kindness

Hey boo,

How's it going?  I'm just the usual...

So, remember how I had started doing some Acts of Kindness to Pay it Forward during the Christmas season?  Well, I'm trying to continue doing more of that stuff throughout 2014.  January is almost done, and I think I've been doing pretty good so far!

Here's what's been going on:

1)  I let someone go in line ahead of me at Kohl's.  I had $20 worth of Kohl's Cash to spend, and I had found $21 worth of stuff to buy (you know that's how I roll!).  Well, there were 3 check-outs open, and as usual, I pick the one with the slowest people ever in front of me.  I could see one of the lines moving a lot quicker, there was actually nobody behind the current person checking out.  Instead of switching lines myself, I pointed it out to the person in front of me (the person ahead of her was the one being ridiculously slow with her purchase) and let her take that spot, so she was able to check out faster.  It wasn't anything major, but I still consider it an Act of Kindness. :-)

2) I brushed snow off the car parked next to me at work as I was leaving one day.  Ever since then, I try to brush off snow on the passenger side of the car next to me, so that way the person doesn't have to walk around their entire vehicle to brush it off, or hopefully it saves them at least 30 seconds of time in the cold!  I'm on that side of their car anyways, getting into my driver's seat, so it's just a quick swipe as I walk by.

3)  I recycled some of the Christmas cards we received with this unique method from St. Jude's Ranch for Children.  Basically, they recycle cards and then sell them to raise money for their program.  Good for the planet and good for people too!  Someone at my work was sending in a box, so I was able to include mine with his large shipment.

4) I made a small donation to Momsbloom to express my thanks for the help they provided after Will was born.  You and I had meant to do that anyways, right after I had returned to work from maternity leave.  But with the madness that ensued a month later, I obviously never got around to it until now.

5)  I donated your frequent flyer airline miles to the Make-A-Wish Foundation.  I hope that's OK with you! :-)  At first I thought I would have to go through the hassle of having your miles transferred into my name, and all that junk.  But then I realized I just needed your frequent flyer number (which was in our joint email account, so it was easy to find), so I just entered that info in, and boom, over 20,000 miles donated!  I know you won't be using them, and I didn't want them to go to waste... So, when I discovered that miles could be donated, I saw it as another opportunity for kindness!  I also discovered that you can donate miles directly from most major airlines websites.  There are quite a few organizations that accept these donations from the airlines website.  But I just went straight through the Make-A-Wish Foundation's website, just to make sure they were going to the right place!

6)  I signed up to be a bone marrow donor!  As you know, my cousin's daughter has Fanconi Anemia (FA), and I think one of the treatments is a bone marrow transplant (at least, from what I understand...), so that is how I learned about becoming a bone marrow donor.  The process was really easy, I took a bunch of pictures of the packet of stuff I got (see below).  All I had to do was take a swab to the inside of my cheek, and send it in the envelope they provided.  If I'm a match for somebody, the process doesn't sound too bad for the donor (I think it's more complicated for the person actually receiving it though...).  I think since I can't donate blood (remember when I puked two different times all over the Innotec gym, once was beautiful Oreos...), I figured this was a unique opportunity to possibly help somebody someday.  Each packet comes with another kit for a friend to sign up to be a donor, and for some reason I received 2 packets, so maybe I'll find 2 other people I know to sign up (that would be like extra credit for this Act of Kindness!).  

The bone marrow donor packet that arrived in the mail

Info on the back of the packet

Stuff on the inside of the packet

I have another kit for a friend if I can find one who wants to become a donor too (I actually have 1 more because I got 2 packets for some reason!)

More stuff from the packet, like the envelope and the swabby things.

Info on the back of the envelope that you put the swabby things in

See, I told you a took a bunch of pictures of the stuff... I'm picture crazy like that! :-)

So yeah, those are some of the little things I've been doing lately.  I really liked these little Acts of Kindness because they were easy and free (except the Momsbloom thing, but that was planned a long time ago).  Thinking of things to do, and researching different charities and organizations has kept my mind occupied, and given me an outlet for something to do.  I think I'm doing pretty good on this New Years Resolution so far.  But it is only January still... :-P

Anyways, I miss you like whoa.


Tuesday, January 28, 2014

I Don't Know What I'm Doing

Hey boo,

How's it going?  I'm feeling like I have no memory...

So yesterday was Will's first time having "people food."  Yes, he's almost 10 months old and hasn't eaten anything besides baby food, puffs, and his bottle.

I just forgot how it worked.  How did this transition go with the girls?  It just seems like they've been eating regular food for forever.

I wish you were here to remind me, and talk about it with me.

I didn't even get a picture of Will eating his big boy food.  I wasn't even the one to give it to him.

Basically, I have no idea what I'm doing.  And I hate that I'm the only one left to "remember" all the early stuff with the kids.  And I just feel like poor Will is having a really unfortunate "babyhood."  I'm barely present in his life, and I feel like he is losing his bond with me.





Ok, hearts...

Monday, January 27, 2014

Missing You

Hey boo,

How's it going?  I'm to the point of exhaustion where I don't even know how I'm a functioning human being anymore.

I'm pretty much barely functioning.  I think stress eats brain cells or something...

I just really, really, really, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY miss you.

You know how they say "time heals all wounds" or whatever.  Baloney.  Time is passing, and I feel like I'm hurting even worse.  As time passes, I am getting better at pretending I'm fine on the outside, but inside I'm torn to shreds, and it feels like those shreds are being run through the shredder again and again and again.  I'm not sure how much I can take.  I'm not sure how I can handle this much longer.

I seriously feel like a shell of a person.  My body is present and accounted for, doing what needs to get done.  I wake up, I work, I take care of the kids.  I talk, I smile, I laugh, I cry. But it's all on the outside.  It's like I'm a robot or something.  On the inside, it's just hollow.  A hollowness that hurts.  How is that even possible for emptiness to hurt so bad?!?!?  Who knows, but it does.

I'm just not ME anymore.

I miss ME.  I miss YOU.  I miss US.

I'm miserable.


Monday, January 13, 2014

New Years/Year's Resolution

Hey boo,

How's it going?  I'm like this:  zzzZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZ...

So, I had started seeing New Years Resolution posts at the end of December, and I was trying to think of what mine would be.  And I was just like, I can barely get through the next 30 seconds, let alone try to think of something to accomplish over an ENTIRE year!

I used to hate these things and now I love them.   :-)

I could not come up with anything.  Actually, I could.  And it was "to just get through it."

So yeah, my New Years/Year's Resolution is: To just get through it.

Awesome, huh?  :-P

Unfortunately, my therapist wasn't too excited about that.  She said I don't need a "resolution," I just need to set a small goal.  Something to work for.  And come up with a plan on how to accomplish that goal.  And be specific about the plan.  This is sort of how she explained it (at least to my understanding...):

You know how some people's NYR is a general "I'm going lose weight/get healthy" or something like that.  Well, HOW are you going to do that?  "I'm going to work out and eat right."  Ok, but WHEN are you going to work out, and WHAT exactly are you going to eat?  "I'm going to work out 3 times a week, and eat more veggies."  WHAT days are you going to work out, HOW long are you going to work out, and WHAT veggies are you going to eat?...  In other words, your actual resolution should be specific baby steps to form a plan.  So, it would end up being something like "I'm going to work out on Mon, Wed, Fri from Noon to 1pm at XYZ gym.  I'm going to drink a kale smoothie with my breakfast."  (FYI, this is NOT my resolution.)  So yeah, as the year goes on, you can adapt/change your specific plan, but it should ALWAYS be specific so that you CAN accomplish it.

Update:  So I saw this on Pinterest and had to add it.  It's very fitting for what I was talking about!

Click for source

Ugh... Well that sounds complicated.  I just have nothing I want to accomplish this year.  I feel like I have absolutely nothing to look forward to/work towards...  I just go through the motions of each day, and like I said before, I just get through it.

To help me, my therapist said it didn't have to be "life changing" or super complicated. Just something simple.  Something small.


I know I am working on my confidence, independence, and building my support network.

So, to focus on the confidence and independence part, I decided that my general goal will be to get out with the kids more.  As in, leave the house with just me plus 3. The only time I do that now is to bring them to daycare.  And of course the one time with the doctor's office fiasco.

So, now I'm still working on the specifics of how I'm going to accomplish that goal.  I need to figure out WHEN we're going to go and WHERE we're going to go.  I need to start small, it's not like I'm going to be like, "I'm taking them to Disneyworld next week!"  I'm thinking along the lines of maybe Target.  And I'm a slave to the kids schedule, so I'm still trying to determine a good time to get out. But yeah, I guess that's what I'm working towards.  So, maybe by the end of 2014, I'll be an old pro and going out with the kids, and nothing will phase me or stress me out... :-)  Yeah, we'll see how that goes...

Anyways, some other random things that I'm doing:

1) The 52 Week Savings Challenge.  Basically, you save a little bit of cash each week in a jar, and it increments by $1 each week.  If I can accomplish it, I hope to do something cool with that money, and I'll tell you about it when the time gets closer.
2) A "Calendar Journal."  I'm not doing exactly that, it's more a combination of this calendar journal thing and this "Gratitude Jar."  Basically I have a blank notebook that I am being diligent about writing a few sentences each night of highlights from the day.  Of course it's mostly been about the kids and the silly things they do.  I almost fill up a page each day because I write big and sloppy, so that is why it probably won't really be like a calendar journal.  But it's like the Gratitude Jar because it has all this fun stuff that I'll be able to look at at the end of the year.  Hopefully I can keep up with it.  It's already January 13 and I've been able to write in it every day!!  Go me!
3) Acts of Kindness... I'm still working on my acts of kindness/paying it forward stuff that I started before Thanksgiving.  I have some fun ideas in mind over the next year.

So yeah, I guess I was just writing to share my New Years Resolution and to update you on my fun little new year projects.

I'm miss you like whoa.


P.S. I thought of a few more random things that I'm trying to do.
4) Take more videos and pictures of Will.  He definitely is treated like a "second child", where I notice how many pictures I took of the girls when they were babies, and how I have hardly any of Will like that.  And yet I still take tons of videos and pics of the girls because they are learning/doing so many fun and exciting things.  So I'm trying really hard to capture more of Will.
5) Email you more. :-)

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Isn't it Ironic?

Hey boo,

How's it going?

So, remember just a few weeks (or maybe a couple months, I don't know, either way, somewhat recently) before you died, we were having some conversation about something, and you asked me what the word "ironic" actually meant.  Like, obviously we both "knew" what it meant and could probably use in in the proper context and understand it when it was used, but what was the actual definition?

I was like, Um... You know... It's kind of like ten thousand spoons, when all you need is a knife...

And you were like, Really?  So, is it like a black fly in my Chardonnay?

And basically we spent the rest of the conversation trying to remember the lyrics to the Alanis Morissette song...

Well, as the new year has come up, I think I have another example.  At least, I've been calling it ironic, but I just looked up the definition of ironic, and I don't think it really is.  I guess I don't know what the term is to describe this...

So, one of my last therapy appointments happened to be on Dec 31st, aka New Years Eve.  (Or is it New Year's Eve?  I never know...).

Well, she asked about reflecting on the past year, and the "fresh start" that a new year brings.

It's funny, because I had actually been thinking about the same thing.

I had started thinking about what my New Years Resolution (or New Year's Resolution?) was for 2013.  It was to reconnect with old friends.  As we've grown up, and especially after having the girls, we kind of just dropped off the face of the earth and stopped getting out and hanging out with people.  So I really wanted to get back in touch with my friends, more than just via Facebook...

And when I look back at 2013, I did just that.  I think I have seen the friends I consider my "closest" friends more over the past 5 months than I had over the past 2 years.  I've gone out with them, they've come to our house, I've talked to some of them on the phone (gasp!), and of course, we've been messaging each other EVEN MORE on Facebook.

But all of this happened under some seriously shitty circumstances...  If this crap hadn't happened, I don't think I would have accomplished my resolution at all.

So, is that ironic?  I kind of thought so, but based on the actual definition I looked up, now I'm not so sure.

It is "something," I just don't know the word for it.

So the circumstance of how my NYR was accomplished sucks.  But accomplishing my NYR is still a good thing.

I think it was for all of us.

I think losing you was a big eye opener for A LOT of people.  And it sucks that something so major finally gave us the kick in the pants we needed.  But I think A LOT of different people have refocused some of their priorities in life.  So, high-five to you for even impacting people after your gone!

AND isn't it just amazing what a great group of friends I have.  I mean, I've known some of these girls since 2nd grade.  And the rest of them since 6th or 7th grade!  And here we are, 20 years later, still acting like the "ballfaces" that we all are. :-)  Clearly time, distance, school, careers, spouses, kids, etc, can't change the fact that we are still friends.  To me, that is just amazing.

And I know you liked this great group of friends too.  Heck, you would even say things like you were "eee ballsing because the Bears were on Monday Night Football" or describing Violet or Charlotte as "eee ballsing about Tinkerbell."  You secretly wished you from J-town, didn't you? :-)

If you could, you'd probably be "eee ballsing" for me reconnecting more with this great group of girls.

So yeah, I just wanted to share that little reflection for you.  Could you please figure out the word I'm trying to think of to describe it?  K, thanks.


Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Could we BE any Later?!?!?

Hey boo,

How's it going?  I'm just all flustered because we were running super late this morning.

I forgot to turn on my alarm clock, so I woke up at a time where if we were actually walking out the door at that time, I'd still be 5 minutes late to work... Ugh!

Both of the girls were awake by the time I was done getting myself ready, so they like to go down the stairs themselves.  But they were taking F O R E V E R!  Dilly dallying, pointing at the mark on the wall, the pictures on the wall, wanting to hold the banister and actually "walk" down the steps instead of scooch-schooching... I finally just had to scoop them up and carry them down.  That did NOT make them very happy.

So since that made them crabby, then it was a wrestling match to change their diapers and get them into their clothes...  I decided to not give them any breakfast, so I just gave them their apple juice, but then they wanted their milk too, so that was another thing they were crabby about...

I woke up Will, and only changed his diaper, I just left him in his jammies.  And I decided not to give him his bottle, and just let daycare do it.

Then I had to get all their "winter" gear on.  Another wrestling match with the girls... And Will is upset because I'm not feeding him or holding him...

Basically, there was a lot of crying from the kids this morning, and I was running around like crazy...

When we got to daycare, I just put them in their rooms and didn't take off any of their winter gear.  I barely even kissed them good-bye and I was out the door.

And then the roads were HORRIBLY ICY!!!  And schools were open today, so there are a lot more cars on the road than there were the past 2 days... So I could only go 30-40 mph the whole way to work...

Yeah, it was a rough morning.

I miss you.


Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Parenting Guilt

Hey boo,

How's it going?  I'm feeling annoyed.

Ya know what I'm really sick of?  Reading articles that make me feel guilty for the way I am parenting the kids.  Stuff about yelling at your kids, activities you do/don't do with your kids, what you feed your kids, what chemicals/products you use on/around your kids, if your house is too messy, if your house is too clean, how your kids sleep, the toys your kids have, if you work/don't work, where you send them to daycare, how you should spend more/less time snuggling your kids, blah blah blah, there are just so many more floating around out there.  It's just adding to my insanity.

I try not to read them.  I can see the article headline and I know it is just something I should ignore because it's going to make me feel bad.  But sometimes, I can't resist.  When they keep showing up in my Facebook news feed, I think it must be something miraculous, with amazing advice that I really need.  Lately there has been one about yelling at your kids.  I ignored it for a while.  But then I just couldn't resist, I had to read it, because maybe they had an incredible answer for getting your kids to listen and behave.

But it didn't.

It was just one woman's opinion on how she started parenting her kids.

It's amazing how that one woman's opinion, a woman I don't even know and have never met, can make me feel like absolute butt.

Yes, there is a time and place and certain situations where yelling might NOT be the best thing to do.  But then there are times where it just can't be avoided.  At least, I think so.

Like when I am changing Will's diaper, and I see across the room that one sister pushes/hits/bites/steals a toy from the other sister.  Ya know what?  I'm going to yell across the room at her.  I can't immediately get to her, and I need her to stop.  Typically my loud yelling makes them both turn their heads and they stop what they are doing for a few seconds.  She might start right back up with whatever naughty thing she was doing again, but it bought me a few extra seconds to whip on Will's diaper so I can rush over and break up whatever is going on between the girls...

You know that I am actually a very patient person.  I admit, my patience has GREATLY diminished since you died, but I still consider myself laid back for the most part.

But sometimes I just don't know what else to do besides yell.  I've tried grabbing someone's hand and looking them in the eye and saying sternly, but not yelling: "It's not nice to hit.  It gives that person owie.  You don't like when you get owie, right?  So. Please. Don't. Hit."  But then that someone rips their hand away from me and hits!  It makes me insane.

Are their better ways out there to discipline your kids?  Maybe. Probably.  But they don't always work for every kid and every parent.  We are not all the same.  We do not all have the patience, time, or even energy to allow us to do the "right" thing while parenting.  We can't all produce clone children who will all be brought up in the perfect environment with the perfect parents with the perfect attitudes with the perfect discipline skills.

Sometimes, you just gotta do what you gotta do to get though.

And I'm not dissing on this non-yelling woman at all.  It works for her.  She is "doing what she's gotta do."  I'm glad she found something that makes her feel good about her parenting skills.  I think a lot of us out there struggle to find something that makes us feel confident and think "You know what, I AM doing a good job.  Self high-five."  So, rock on non-yeller lady!

In order to help the crazy anxiety and negative thoughts and the "Now I'm depressed" feeling that happened because I read this article, I tried really hard to think of something that made me feel like I might be doing at least one thing right.

And here it is:  When I pick the kids up from daycare, they ALL get the biggest smiles on their faces.  The girls are SO FREAKIN' EXCITED to see me, they squeal and yell from across the room, and come running to me.  Will will stop what he's doing and come crawling my way.  Then if I pick him up to give him a hug and kiss, and then put him down to grab his bag or his socks, he cries.

I think they all do these things because they like me.  They WANT to be with me.  So that must mean I'm doing something good enough for them to WANT to be with me.

So, self high-five to me.

I really don't know what a better way would be for people to write these articles so they don't bum me (or others) out.  I know they are just sharing their experiences.  I just wish they could all come from the perspective, "This is what I do.  You can try it if you want.  But you don't have to. And you know, if you do something different or the complete opposite, that's cool too."  And maybe they are written that way and I just totally interpreted them wrong because I'm a little sensitive or something...

And maybe this little "parenting" email is making someone else feel bad.  I hope not though.  If you are reading this, and you feel bad, please don't, that wasn't my intention at all.  You rock!! Keep on keepin' on! :-)

Anyways, I don't know, parenting is so hard.  We are responsible for a person, and how this person will grow and fit into this world.  And we all just want the very best for them because we love them SO much.  Maybe social media might make it harder, but I still like it (I actually use it to be "social"), so it's not like I'm going to avoid it in order to avoid the guilt...

What was it like when our parents were first raising us, and there wasn't this constant connection with other opinions and whatnot?  Was their Mommy/Daddy guilt then?  Or what about when our grandparents were raising our parents?  Maybe they should be writing articles for us?  Who knows...

Anyways, I just thought I'd share.  I wish you were here to go through all this madness with me.


P.S.  I first had the "subject" of this email be "Mommy Guilt", but I know that you had times where you struggled with how you were parenting.  So I decided to make it universal to include you too. :-)  I'm sure you'd be right on board with me and these articles floating around.  Love!

V Months

Hey boo,

How's it going?

So, yesterday was 5 months since we lost you.  And the weird thing is, I actually didn't even realize it.

It's not because I'm forgetting you, or forgetting that day, or forgetting the pain.  I just really had no idea what the date was yesterday.  We are just coming off of "Christmas break", so I haven't been really paying attention to the days...

I just happened to be sitting here thinking, "Wow, I can't believe it's been almost 5 months.  This still doesn't seem real..."  And then I looked at the calendar, and I was like "Whoa, apparently it was 5 months yesterday!  Where have I been?"

It's weird that time is passing SO FAST and yet SO S L O W at the same time.  Again, with the crazy oxymorons of my life...

Anyways, not the most miniscule moment of time passes that I don't miss you, think about you, hurt for you.  I was trying to the think of the "math" way to explain it... Like, you know how there are basically infinity amounts of numbers between 0 and 1.  Like, you could go all the way to 0.000000000000000001.  If you keep charting those small increments, it just looks like a continuous line.  Isn't that like a "Limit" or something?  I can't think of what it is, but basically, even down to the 0.00000000000000000000000000001 seconds of time, I miss you. :-P

Ok, lovebuckets...

Sunday, January 5, 2014

The Little Mermaid

Hey boo,

How's it going?  I'm just dreading bringing the kids in to daycare tomorrow because it's supposed to be super cold... bleh...

So anyways, my mom got us The Little Mermaid on DVD a few weeks ago, and I'm pretty sure we've watched it about a million times since then ("and then I took a 100 hour nap..." So I exaggerate a little... :-P).  I watched that movie a lot when I was younger.  It was so fun to hear all of the songs again!

But I don't know if it's just because I'm a grown-up now, or maybe because I'm a little over-analytic on this work of fiction, but there are parts that just make me feel like WTF when I'm watching it.  Remember my rant about the Tinkerbell movies, well it's kind of the same as that. :-)

First of all, the Little Mermaid/Ariel is only 16 years old!!!! Um, what?!?!  I think that is a little young to be settling down with someone...

Speaking of settling down with someone, not only is she young, but she also hardly knows the guy.  She saw him once dancing/hanging out on his ship, and then rescued him from drowning, and suddenly she's all like "But Daddy, I love him!!!"  Really?!?!?!  You have NEVER even talked to him!  Cuh-razy!!!

Oh yeah, since I just mentioned "Daddy", let me tell you about the girls... So they are pretty much repeating A LOT of what they hear nowadays... And I think they kind of understand what is going on in the movie, they aren't just looking at the pretty colors anymore.  They laugh at funny things, and say "Oh no!" when something bad happens.  Anyways, there is a part where King Triton catches Ariel with her "whosits and whatsits galore" and goes ape-sh*t and destroys everything.  He's about to destroy the statue of the Prince and she's like "DADDY, NO!!!"  Oh. My. Word.  Now Violet says "Daddy no!" all the time!  As soon as I turn on the movie, "Daddy no!"  Any mention of Little Mermaid, "Daddy no!"  Just randomly playing with something unrelated to the Little Mermaid, "Daddy no!"  Awesome.  I feel like if she says that in public, people won't understand why she is saying it, and think she is saying something about having 'no daddy.'

I tried to explain to them that King Triton is Ariel's daddy.  But now they sometimes call him 'daddy' when they are watching the movie.  [Did I ever tell you that the first time we watched the movie, when King Triton comes out in the beginning, Charlotte yells "Santa!"  Hahaha!!!  They think anybody with a white beard is Santa.]  Anyways, at first I didn't correct them about it being Santa because it was just too funny.  Then I tried to explain that it wasn't Santa, that was King Triton.  But now they are calling him 'daddy'.  For example, they like to say "bye-bye" to a bunch of stuff when they are going upstairs for nap or spa.  "Bye-bye brother"  "bye-bye Elmo"  "bye-bye books"... Today the Little Mermaid was on and Charlotte said "Bye-bye Daddy" on her way up to nap.  That time I corrected her by saying that he is King Triton, and that your daddy is in these pictures that we kiss every night during our bedtime routine.  I pointed to you in the pictures a bunch of times to try and reinforce that you are her daddy.  After nap, I pulled out a picture book that has a million pictures of you in it to look at with the girls.  Ugh, I just feel like they are getting "mixed messages" or something, and they are getting confused about who their daddy is, or what daddy means.  I'm just going to show your pictures to them way more than I do now.

Anyways, I guess that's it about the Little Mermaid.  We watch it A LOT so that's why I needed to talk about it.  :-P

Oh wait, I thought of one more thing!  I'd just like to say thanks to the Little Mermaid for teaching the girls to put a fork in their hair.  When they saw the movie the first time, as soon as Ariel finds the "dinglehopper", they both point and say "FORK!"  Now, when we are eating, they will put their fork in their hair.  I guess they think they are combing it.  These kids, I tell you what... :-P

Ok, now that's it.


Saturday, January 4, 2014


Hey boo,

How's it going?  I just had another crazy evening...

First, the girls didn't nap today, which always equals awesome evenings.  And Will didn't want to take his second nap, so he was a bundle of joy this evening too.  :-P

But then on top of that, poor Violet was super constipated.  :-(  I felt sooo bad for her.  She said her poopoo was stuck in her butt.  So I kept telling her to push it out into her diaper.  She kept grabbing at her butt and asking to go on the potty.  I guess the potty thing is good because at least she knows she is supposed to go poopoo on the potty...

I've been giving her my "extra special apple juice" I make for them, which is just water with a little bit of apple juice in it.  :-)  But as the day went on, I started increasing the concentration of apple juice for her.  Then after dinner, I gave her some prunes baby food to try and help too.  But it was like all of that made it worse, so this evening ALL she could talk about was poopoo.  She was to the point where she was crying about it.  I felt horrible!

So, while that is going on, Will is being uncharacteristically spazzy because he is overly tired.  And maybe hungry.  I ended up giving him his bottle about 30 minutes earlier than bedtime.  And while I was feeding him, poor Violet was spazzing, as I mentioned above.  I told her that first brother had to finish his bottle, then I was going to change his diaper and put him to bed, and then I would help her go poopoo somehow.

So, I put Will to bed, but he was still screaming in his crib, which again, is not typical for him. :-(  Poor baby...

I decided that since it was like Violet was trying to reach in and grab the poop out of her butt, I figured I'd "take her temperature" the gross way... We had to do that with Will right after you died, because he was given liquid formula CONCENTRATE that wasn't mixed with any water.  So he got pretty backed up during that time.

Anyways, I was expecting something instant to happen because of that, but it didn't.

Meanwhile, Will is still screaming.  So I decided to give him another few ounces of formula to see if he was still hungry.  While I was making the bottle, Violet was standing at the gate SCREAMING because she had to poopoo.  I was almost crying with her, I felt so bad.  I felt her diaper to see if any poop had come out yet, and I could tell she was finally pushing.  But she was screaming the whole time.  Poor girl.  But then, as my hand was on her butt, I literally felt her poop go into her diaper.  It was so gross, but I was just like, Yay!  You did it!  And she was like "I did it!" :-)  I asked her if she had anymore to push out or if I could change her diaper, and she said "More poopoo" so I figured I'd wait and let her finish before I changed her.

Anyways, back to Will... Giving him a few more ounces of formula did the trick, he was still crying after I put him in his crib, but at least this time he stopped within a few minutes.

And I changed Violet's diaper, and she was in such a better mood after that.  I'm so glad she was able to go before they went to bed tonight, otherwise I know she wouldn't sleep well tonight.

Anyways, that is my TMI for the night.  My life revolves around bodily fluids... I think I need to tell you about Will's worst blow out that happened the other day, I think it was the worst one I've ever had to deal with out of all 3 kids...

Ok, I guess that's it.  I'm starving.  The kids just went to bed so now I finally get to eat something.