Just Sad

Hey boo,

How's it going? I'm feeling exceptionally sad today...

I think about all those families affected by today, and my heart hurts even more for them. It's strange, because I've had my own heartbreak, but I still can't imagine what their pain is like. I know what they feel, but I don't know what they feel. If that makes sense?

Basically, everyone's story is different. And just the entire tragedy and horror around what happened to those families makes me completely unable to relate to them.

Sigh...

I'm also extra sad because the kids are growing up so fast. I wish so much that you could see them. You would be so proud. Even though they make me crazy, they are so awesome at the same time.

And they are so funny. Sometimes it's hard not to laugh at them when I'm frustrated/angry with them. I guess they have your talent for making me smile when I don't want to.

I'm potty training the girls, and it's just chaos. The girls have to go pee at least 905,489 times before bed. It now takes an extra hour for them to go to sleep because of it. Tonight it was 9:40 before they went potty for the last time.

Last weekend, during one of Violet's millionth trips to go potty, there was no pee coming out. I was more than frustrated and exhausted. She was just playing in there, touching everything, which totally grosses me out.

So I'm say "Violet, don't touch anything! Just go pee! If I don't see any pee coming out, I'm going to be very mad!"

So she leans over and touches the counter.

And I say, "Violet!!! I said DO NOT touch anything!"

And she just looks up at me, and whispers softly, "I touch my leg." And then touches her leg with one finger.

GAH! That girl. It was so bratty but so funny at the same time. I don't even remember how I responded to that, I was just like, oh my word... Seriously, that girl is something else...

I have about 1000 more potty training stories. But I'm too tired to share right now.

But you should just see these kids. The girls are suddenly so tall, and just looking so grown up. Charlotte's hair is so long, I love it. Sometimes just the way they stand, or walk... Ugh, I don't know how to explain it, but I can just see how they are growing.

And that makes me sad, because I always want to freeze them at their current age, so they don't grow any older. I want them to my babies forever.

The girls already says "I'm not a baby!" whenever I say something like "Come here baby."

And Will... Oh, Will... He is turning in to a boy! He is so chill and relaxed, but when he gets angry, watch out! He can be rough.

He can say so many words now. He really communicates well, I know exactly what he wants or needs. And he KNOWS he's the baby. He can just give me this sad little look, and I come running to give him hugs. He's going to be spoiled.

All the kids are going to be spoiled.

I'm a big fan of "not crying," so I feel like I appease whatever they want... Because most of it doesn't matter.

So you want to wear those yellow and white polka dot pants with a pink shirt that has a brown monkey on it. Go for it. It's just clothes.

So you want me to move your chair to that side of the table during dinner. Fine. As long as you're eating, I don't care where you sit.

The main things I really lay the law down is hitting, biting, pushing, or other general meanness that happens. I also am working on stealing toys. I'm big into teaching them to ask the other person nicely, and if the other person says "No!" Then you have to accept that because they were playing with it first, and you ask them if they will give it to you when their turn is done. You have to be patient and wait for it.

Yeah... we're working on that... I'd say we're 20% there... :-)

I don't know. I'm just rambling. I'm looking at "your spot" where you should be sitting, and I am missing you so much.

Have I mentioned how much this sucks?

Ok, lovebuckets...