Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Scrambled Eggs

Hey boo,

How's it going?  I'm a ball of stress...

So, I feel like I haven't emailed you in a while... I've just been so blah lately.  I have a lot I want to tell you, but then I get too depressed to even write it because I'm like, what's the point?

But I want to keep emailing you so "publicly" to show what my life is like now, and to share my feelings that I can't always say.  I've gotten a lot of support from others by emailing you, since you aren't here to give me that support anymore...

So yeah, here's my email...

You're birthday came and went.  I cried and laughed.  I missed you like whoa.  But I made it through, just like all the other holidays that I've survived.

You're mom was here that day.  We had a cake, and sang Happy Birthday.  Really, I sang it because I don't think your mom could handle it, and my voice was definitely choked up by the end of it.  Quite the depressing little birthday party...

I visited the cemetery.  I brought you a Dr. Pepper.  I drank half of it. :-)  But we always shared like that.

Then the 11-month mark passed.  I just have no words for that.  All I can do is shake my head in disbelief that this is still really happening.  I'm still waiting to wake up from this nightmare.  I seriously wish it every night before I go to bed.

Now I'm dealing with crazy grown-up stuff that I hate dealing with.  Plus, my brain is just moosh anyways.  Which I hate saying considering your cause of death.  In fact, I hate talking about anything brain related.  I definitely stopped using  one our favorite phrases for when we are being stupid - "brain damage."

Ugh, but seriously, my head is scrambled eggs right now.  I have 9827980431751 thoughts running through my head at any one moment.  I'm just a mess.

Alright, that's it for now.

I miss you.


1 comment:

  1. Big hugs Sarah. Been thinking about you lots. ❤