Change is a brewin'

Hey boo,

How's it going? In general, it's the same ol', same ol' over here, but change is also beginning too.

I think things will definitely be changing over the next year for me. Or, at least I hope they will be.

I've been working on figuring what I want to be when I grow up, and I am slowly moving in that direction. I know it won't fix things for me, but I think it is actually something that might help make life more bearable.

I'm not sitting around waiting for opportunities to fall in my lap, but if you are somewhere that you can pull some strings, try to help me move in the right direction as I search.

I always have a hard time when people say "things happen for a reason." I have trouble subscribing to that idea because why are such horrible monsters of people allowed to exist while a loving father gets taken away? But then sometimes I wonder if I am supposed to be doing something great. I won't be changing the world, but I might make a difference for a few people that could help the generations following them.

Kind of like a ripple, I guess. If I help 2 people, and then they each help 2 more, and then those people each help another 2, before you know it, that could be a major impact.

But then I step back and think, well, I could have done that with you here! Was this the slap in the face I needed to push me towards that? Because it was way more than a slap, it was more like getting hit by a train...

Anyways, I miss you so much. I never stop getting the urge to really email you. Or have that split second thought that when I get an email notification, it might be something from you. Will that ever go away?

The kids miss you too. Will is talking so much, and I realized I never taught him how to say Daddy, so I've been working with him more on that. He says "Dah-dee!" And when I show him a picture and say "Where's Daddy?" He points to you and says "Dare!" (which means "there.")

Violet loves to ask questions. We have a family picture hanging on the wall, and when I'm standing by it, she says "2 mommies!" (which might be strange if she starts saying that in public.) But it's because there is a mommy in the picture and a mommy standing in real life.

And then she says "Daddy!" And I say "Yup, there's Daddy in the picture." And she asks "Where is Daddy though?" (though is one of her favorite words, she says it a lot at the end of sentences.) And I say "Remember, Daddy died." And she says "Why?" And I say, "Because he got very, very, very, very, very, very, very sick." (the "books" say to use a bazillion "verys" so that kids know the difference between regular sick, and won't think they are going to die when they have a cold or something.) And she says "Why?" And I say "Because he got a big, big, big, big, big, big owie and his body wouldn't work anymore." (again, something the books say to say.) And she says "Why?" And I finally just have to say "I don't know baby..."

I wish I knew "Why?"

Anyways, that's it for now. I miss you.

Hearts.

Potty Training Stories

Hey boo,

How's it going?

I wish you here for this potty training thing. I wonder how you would handle all of it. Sometimes I handle it OK, and other times these girls drive me absolutely bonkers! And then there are still other times that they just make me crack up.

The other day, Violet was going potty on the big potty, and Charlotte was on the little potty. They were actually both going #2.

So Violet is pushing away and of course, she poops. And she looks down and says, "Whoa! That's a lot of them!!!" And then she looks at me and says, "Look Mom! I got a lot of poop!"

Sigh... No, I didn't go look. I just said, "Wow, that's awesome..." from where I was standing in the doorway.

But Charlotte stands up from her potty and says "Let me see!"

And Violet says "Look Char!" and points into the toilet.

Charlotte does her funny oh-face (ugh, I know, horrible term but that is the only way to describe it!), and she looks at me and says "It's like fishies!"

That made me laugh so big! Those girls are nuts.

As if my world didn't revolve around poop enough... I feel like potty training has made it even MORE the central focus of my life!

Ugh... poop...

OK, that's it. Hearts.

Just Sad

Hey boo,

How's it going? I'm feeling exceptionally sad today...

I think about all those families affected by today, and my heart hurts even more for them. It's strange, because I've had my own heartbreak, but I still can't imagine what their pain is like. I know what they feel, but I don't know what they feel. If that makes sense?

Basically, everyone's story is different. And just the entire tragedy and horror around what happened to those families makes me completely unable to relate to them.

Sigh...

I'm also extra sad because the kids are growing up so fast. I wish so much that you could see them. You would be so proud. Even though they make me crazy, they are so awesome at the same time.

And they are so funny. Sometimes it's hard not to laugh at them when I'm frustrated/angry with them. I guess they have your talent for making me smile when I don't want to.

I'm potty training the girls, and it's just chaos. The girls have to go pee at least 905,489 times before bed. It now takes an extra hour for them to go to sleep because of it. Tonight it was 9:40 before they went potty for the last time.

Last weekend, during one of Violet's millionth trips to go potty, there was no pee coming out. I was more than frustrated and exhausted. She was just playing in there, touching everything, which totally grosses me out.

So I'm say "Violet, don't touch anything! Just go pee! If I don't see any pee coming out, I'm going to be very mad!"

So she leans over and touches the counter.

And I say, "Violet!!! I said DO NOT touch anything!"

And she just looks up at me, and whispers softly, "I touch my leg." And then touches her leg with one finger.

GAH! That girl. It was so bratty but so funny at the same time. I don't even remember how I responded to that, I was just like, oh my word... Seriously, that girl is something else...

I have about 1000 more potty training stories. But I'm too tired to share right now.

But you should just see these kids. The girls are suddenly so tall, and just looking so grown up. Charlotte's hair is so long, I love it. Sometimes just the way they stand, or walk... Ugh, I don't know how to explain it, but I can just see how they are growing.

And that makes me sad, because I always want to freeze them at their current age, so they don't grow any older. I want them to my babies forever.

The girls already says "I'm not a baby!" whenever I say something like "Come here baby."

And Will... Oh, Will... He is turning in to a boy! He is so chill and relaxed, but when he gets angry, watch out! He can be rough.

He can say so many words now. He really communicates well, I know exactly what he wants or needs. And he KNOWS he's the baby. He can just give me this sad little look, and I come running to give him hugs. He's going to be spoiled.

All the kids are going to be spoiled.

I'm a big fan of "not crying," so I feel like I appease whatever they want... Because most of it doesn't matter.

So you want to wear those yellow and white polka dot pants with a pink shirt that has a brown monkey on it. Go for it. It's just clothes.

So you want me to move your chair to that side of the table during dinner. Fine. As long as you're eating, I don't care where you sit.

The main things I really lay the law down is hitting, biting, pushing, or other general meanness that happens. I also am working on stealing toys. I'm big into teaching them to ask the other person nicely, and if the other person says "No!" Then you have to accept that because they were playing with it first, and you ask them if they will give it to you when their turn is done. You have to be patient and wait for it.

Yeah... we're working on that... I'd say we're 20% there... :-)

I don't know. I'm just rambling. I'm looking at "your spot" where you should be sitting, and I am missing you so much.

Have I mentioned how much this sucks?

Ok, lovebuckets...

It's Just Office Furniture

Hey boo,

How's it going?

You know what I'm thinking?

It's. Just. Office. Furniture.

We aren't curing cancer. We aren't creating world peace.

IT'S JUST OFFICE FURNITURE!!!

Calm down people. Take a few deep breaths. The design of this office furniture is NOT going to end the world.

So ya know what?

Keep Calm

It's Just

Office Furniture

Yeah, I'm annoyed.

Ok, that's it. I can't even describe how much I want to talk to you and bitch about stuff. You would understand.

I miss you.

Ok, hearts.

Fine Motor vs Gross Motory

Hey boo,

How's it going?

So, I just need to tell you about this observation I have with the girls. And I'm pretty sure I've noticed it before, but it's becoming  more apparent as they learn new skills.

I've noticed that Charlotte is definitely better at the fine motor skills, while Violet is better at gross motor.

Charlotte was the first to be able to take her pants off, and put them back on all by herself. Violet still struggles sometimes putting them on by herself. I think it's because she's always in such a hurry and doesn't have much patience. She ends up putting both legs in the same hole, and then gets frustrated because she can't find the other hole... But Charlotte is slow and steady, and really focuses on where she's putting her feet/legs.

Charlotte holds a crayon or marker more appropriately than Violet. Violet will still use a fist like hold, or some other weird way of holding, while Charlotte pretty much holds it like how most people hold a pencil. Charlotte is also much more into coloring than Violet. Violet gets bored really quickly with that activity. Their pictures look different too. Charlotte will draw circles and lines, and Violet likes to scribble in one spot.

Charlotte is able to open doors by turning the doorknob now. Yikes! I've had to child-proof them with the doorknob cover things. Violet gets frustrated and stops trying right away when attempting to turn a doorknob. The other day, Charlotte even figured out how to open a drawer that IS childproofed with a special hook thing that prevents it from  opening it all the way. You have to push the thing down to open it, and she knew what to do. It's the drawer with knives in it, so that is just awesome... I'm really going to have to teach her not to go in that one, or find a better lock!

Charlotte also can put her shoes on by herself every time. Most of the time she gets them on the correct feet, but if I see she is doing it wrong, I just say "Uh-oh, it goes on the other foot. Try again!" And she will laugh and say "Oh!" And take it off to put on the other foot. Violet occasionally puts on her shoes, but again, no patience. She usually asks me to do it for her. The both can obviously take their shoes off, easy cheesy.

For gross motor stuff, Violet is ahead of Charlotte. She was obviously the one to walk, run, and jump before Charlotte. She is also the one who could climb on the couches before Charlotte. She was also the one who could jump OFF the furniture first. I attributed it to her dare-devil personality, but I think it also has to do with gross motor.

Violet could walk up the stairs like a normal person (stepping vs. climbing on all fours) first. She is now able to do it without holding on to the railing, although I tell her she needs to hold on anyways, just in case. She was also the first to be able to walk down the stairs like normal, although she still holds on to the railing. Charlotte is now able to do both of these, but she still has to hold on when going up the stairs.

Violet can also balance on one leg pretty good. She is so going to be a little cheerleader!

Well, I think that's it for now. It is so interesting watching 2 kids the same age grow up and develop at the same time. I wish you were here to see it.

Hearts!

The Good and The Bad

Hey boo,

How's it going?

I'm pretty darn excited right now. One of my posts from my Me Plus 3... TODAY! blog was shared on a HUGE bloggers Facebook page, which has TONS of followers. So my post is going crazy. For my little blog, I consider it viral. No, it's not going to make national headlines, but I've had more page views in one day than I usually get in 1 month! :-) I'm so pumped!

On the down side, I'm missing you big time. A) I want to tell you about it so much. When I first discovered it, I was shaking I was so excited, and I wanted to tell someone who would be just as excited with me.

On an unrelated to blogging note, B) I'm trying to do something in Excel and I can't figure out how to do it. I need my Excel Guru. I would tell you what I want, and you would laugh because it's so easy. I know it's easy and it's totally possible, I just can't figure out how to get the right functions set up. Grrr...

Anyways, Lovebuckets!

Kid Stories

Hey boo,

How's it going?

I haven't been writing in my daily journal as much lately, so I need to write down some funny/cute kid stories, so I figured I'd email them to you!

Story #1
So, bedtime with the girls is getting to be wonky. I screwed up there routine, so it's kind of a free-for-all until I can finally get them into their cribs. I just can't get them back onto our typical routine.

Anyway, they like to look out their bedroom window while I'm changing their diapers and getting them into their jammies. It's getting dark out earlier now, so the other night we were talking about how the sun was going "night-night," so they needed to go night-night too.

So of course, Violet asks "Why?" And I tell her that when it's dark out, that means you should be sleeping.

So, we said "night-night" to the sun and they got in their cribs. (Of course, they didn't actually fall asleep until 45 minutes later...)

Well, during this past weekend, I was trying to get the girls ready and in their cribs for nap-time. And Violet says, "But the sun is awake! It's bright out!"

Touche, Violet. Touche... :-)

I just told her that a nap was different than going "night-night." It was something you do when the sun is still awake...

I'm not sure she bought it, but they did both eventually take a nap. Yay!

Story #2
The kids are getting so smart. Sometimes they just blow me away when they start doing or saying new things. I miss my babies, but I also love seeing them grow up. These kids are completely different than the kids you knew. I wish so much that you were here, you would laugh all the time at these little goofballs.

Anyways, last night I was changing Charlotte's diaper, and we were talking about school (we do that a lot, it's our main topic of conversation because I never know what to talk about with them!). She was talking about how she like Ms. Emily (because she was there when I picked the girls up). I asked her if she liked Ms. Genna too? She said yeah. And then she says, "She go bye-bye." And I said, "Ms. Genna went bye-bye."

Charlotte: "Yeah, in her car."
Me: "Oh."
Charlotte: "She go to her house."
Me: "Yup, she probably did go to her house."
Charlotte: "She take her shoes off."
(slight pause)
Charlotte: "She eat food."
Me: "Yup, she eats her dinner."
Charlotte: "She go spa."
Me: (laughs a little) "Yup, she probably will take a spa."
Charlotte: "Then she play a little bit."
(slight pause)
Charlotte: "She go night-night."
Me: Just looking at her in awe as I realize the sequence of events she just told me. It's our typical evening routine after school. I feel like it's a big deal or a milestone for them to remember and be able to list out a bunch of steps in a row like that. So I just say "Wow, Charlotte! That was a really good sequence! You are so smart!"
Charlotte: "Yeah."

:-) Goofy girl!

Story #3
In the morning on school days, I wake up and get myself ready. Then I wake up the girls, change diapers, get them dressed, and do their hair in their bedroom. I leave their outfits out the night before just outside their room. I usually have a stash of diapers in their room for middle-of-the-night diaper changes and after spa and whatnot.

Anyway, I grab their clothes and walk in and realize there are no diapers left on the shelf. Both girls are laying down and it sounds like they are snoring, so instead of waking them up to bring them downstairs for diaper change, I just walk out and run downstairs to grab more diapers.

I walk back into their room and Charlotte is standing up in her crib, in the corner closest to the door, looking out the door. For some reason, it really surprised me/scared me, because I wasn't expecting it. I thought they were both sleeping.

So I jumped and yelled "Ah!" really big!

And because I yelled loudly, it made Charlotte jump really big.

And then I just started cracking up. "You scared me!" I told her. Fortunately because I was laughing, she started laughing too instead of crying because she got scared.

Of course this silly little moment woke Violet up, but that was OK.

It was just a funny way to start the day.

OK, I think that's it for now. I never stop wishing that you would be here to experience all of this craziness. I just look at these kids and know how much you would love them.

I miss you.

Hearts.