The Way You Read

Hey boo,

How's it going?

I have a ton of stuff to tell you, but I'm too lazy, and too scatterbrained to even put it into words.

So, here's just a little something I need to write down so I don't forget it.

I've started reading books to the kids for their bedtime routine again.  Right after you died, and for the next 8.5 months, I was having them watch a cartoon before bed to settle them down.  Parent of the year, I know.  But I just couldn't bring myself to do our usual bedtime routine.  And it was just easier plopping them in front of the TV, while I was giving Will his bedtime bottle.

But during one of the few times I got my head above water (because I'm basically drowning all the time), I decided that TV watching bedtime routine needed to stop, and I needed to start reading to them again.

And it's made our bedtime routine A LOT longer... and I know I should appreciate the time I am having with the kids, but by bedtime, I am about ready to pass out from a) hunger, b) exhaustion, and c) being crabby at the kids.

But anyways, moral of the story is, I'm reading to the kids again.

And as I'm reading the books, I remember the way you used to read certain lines from the books.  We have new books since you've died, but we also still have all the old ones.  So it just depends on what is in the line up to read each night.

Tonight I read at least a million books to the girls.  Will gets one book.  But my mom put him to bed, so I didn't even read to him tonight.

Anyways, I read There's a Wocket in My Pocket, and when I get to the part of "the Teller, and the Neller, and the Gellar... in the cellar" or whatever the words are, I think of how you used to read that part super fast, like Jimmy Johns freaky fast.

Also, that book in general makes me think of you, because we both used to have it memorized.  We would email each other lines from the book.  Email from me:  "Hey, we need to call somebody about the Nupboards in the cupboards, it's getting to be a problem."  Email from you: "We should probably get rid of the Zelf up on that shelf too then..."

Sigh...

I also read their little Toy Story book, and when I get to the dinosaur saying "Play! Real play! I can't wait!" I think of the dorky/silly/wacko voice you would use for that character.

I read them "No Nap for Tarzan", and every time I read the title, I think of you coming home from work, and me being crazy crabby because the girls didn't have a good nap that day.  And you'd look at them and say "Uh-oh, no nap for Tarzan?"

I read them the one about Nala and Simba doing the opposite, and it has the Spanish words on the bottom of the page.  So, I can hear you reading it in Spanish (which I never read), and I can hear you saying something about "pasa mal, and pasa bien."

Oh, I haven't read them this book in a long time because I don't know where it is (they might have broken it), but I sing "The Wheels on the Bus" when I'm changing Will's diaper to try and distract him from flipping/flopping and getting poop everywhere.  Anyways, when I sing about the wipers on the bus going "swish, swish, swish" I think of the "noise" you used to make for the "swish".  And I would be like, what the heck are you doing?  And you would tell me that's what wipers sound like.  And I would be like, but the words on the page say "swish"!  I know, we argued about some super cool and important stuff. :-P

Last one for now... so I've been reading Will "Mouse Paint" for the past few nights.  And I think of you because the girls always used to get sick of that book so fast, and close it after a few pages, and you were like "Ya know, I have no idea how this book ends, I've never gotten that far!"  And then when they finally let you read the whole thing, you were like "Really?  That's it?" :-P

Ok, well, I know I have a ton more memories like that, but these are the latest books we've been reading, so it's all I can remember for right now.

I miss you so much, and I still just can't believe you're gone...  This sucks...

Hearts.