Sunday, October 6, 2013

2 Months

Hey boo,

How's it going? I'm just my new usual...

So, it's been 2 months...

2 months since I last saw you breathing (even if it was because of a machine).

2 months since I last heard your heartbeat (and heard your last heartbeat).

2 months since my world ended.

2 months that I have literally been living in my worst nightmare.

It's been 2 months, and there is still a grocery list that you wrote up on the fridge.

It's been 2 months, and your toothbrush is still at your sink.  Your empty contact case and glasses are still on your bathroom counter.  The clothes you took off before you last showered here are still laying in front of your shower.  The only thing that has moved in that bathroom is my toothbrush, the toothpaste, and the Q-tips.  I hate going in there.

It's been 2 months, and there is still a pile of your dirty clothes in the corner of our bedroom.  A bottle of water and headache medicine are still on your nightstand.  I just cannot deal with them.  I don't know what my deal is, but I can't move any of it.  It's not to preserve you, I think my mind just can't comprehend the fact that you will not be coming back to pick your stuff up.  That it is my responsibility to do that now.

It's been 2 months, and it doesn't hurt any less.  In fact, it hurts more.  It is like I am living with chronic pain, that no medicine can touch.  There is no relief from this pain.  I can't even explain it, there are no words for how this feels.

These have been the L O N G E S T 2 months of my life.

2 months.  62 days. 1488 hours.  89,280 minutes.  5,356,800 seconds.  Every single one of them I think of you.

I miss you.


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