Sunday, October 6, 2013

Stupid Grief

Hey boo,

How's it going?  Do I really even need to say how it's going with me?

So, ever since you've been gone, I've been hearing a lot about grief.  Grief this, grief that, grieving, blah blah blah.

In my opinion, grief is a really stupid word.

What does grief even mean?  Well, obviously we all know what it means, because we use it in the same context.  But for real, what is it?  Do you think this little 5 letter, 1 syllable word can even begin to encompass what grief is supposed to mean?  Because it doesn't.

I'm so sick of hearing about grief and grieving.  Seriously, that word sounds so insignificant to what is really going on.

Grief can kiss my ass.  I hate you, grief.  Fuck you, grief.  Seriously.  Fuck.  You.

I know, dropping the F-bomb, right?  You know how I feel about unnecessary swearing, but I think right now, it is totally necessary. Sometimes it is like swearing is the only thing strong enough to convey what I'm feeling.  If I said "screw you", I don't think it would show just how truly angry I really I am.  I am really FUCKING angry. FUCKING furious.  Ready to throw this FUCKING computer threw the FUCKING window because I am SO FUCKING MAD!
[Which reminds me, I'm pretty sure I swore at the doctor who delivered us the seriously SHITTY news.  I'm pretty sure I said something like "What the fuck" and I told him it was bullshit.  At least I didn't call him an asshole, I think I wanted to.]

Anyways... enough with my little spaz out...

Since that SHITTY ASS day, I have "Liked" the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation on Facebook.  Basically, it's a thing for widows (PS I hate that word too).  Anyways, they have a blog that I now follow, and a while back, they posted this about "grief".  The writer tried hard to describe what the stupid word "grief" can't really describe at all.  Even though it can't really be described, she did a really good job, and everything she said made sense.  I have actually come back and read this post several times.  So, that's why I'm sharing it with you.

So yeah, moral of the story, grief is a stupid word.  There is absolutely no word in the English language for what "this" actually is.

So babe, I am  __________.

I miss you.  I love you.

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