Hey boo,
How's it going? I'm cement...
Remember how I always used to say that when I didn't want to get out of bed. I was cement because I was too tired to even move any part of my body. Of course, that was a little bit of an exaggeration, but hey, that's how I roll.
But yeah, I'm feeling like cement right now...
Of course, it's because I'm tired.
But I'm also just exceptionally blah. Is that an oxymoron?
Anyways, I'm having Will's 1st birthday party with my family tomorrow. And I'm bummin' big time about it...
I didn't even want to have a party, but I know that it is actually something I HAVE to do. For Will. It's not fair that he's had such a crappy first year. I can't just let his birthday go by unnoticed.
So yeah, it's party time. Woooo... :-P
I tried to get myself pumped up and excited for the party... I bought Will a cute little outfit, and I am decorating the house. I ordered a cake and food.
But it still can't hide the obvious fact that you won't be there.
And it just really sucks.
You are missing our son's first birthday! I hate this so much.
I'm pretty sure I am dreading Will's birthday as much as I dreaded Christmas. It is just so incredibly hard to think of what you missed with him. EVERYTHING! Rolling over for the first time, his first laugh, his first time crawling, his first time pulling up, his first haircut, and I could go on and on and on... You weren't there for his "firsts" and you're not going to be there for the seconds and thirds, and so much more.
Have I mentioned how unfair this is. How this is just complete bullshit.
You know, I think that everyday. That this is all just bullshit. BULL. SHIT.
So yeah, I'm supposed to be finishing up decorating and getting ready for his party tomorrow. But I'm cement. I'm hungry, but I can't get off this stool and get something. I'm stuck.
I'm stuck in this hell that has become my life.
Bleh.
Ok, that's it. I miss you so much. Hearts!
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
My Life is Sh!tty... Literally!
Hey boo,
How's it going? Oh, you know, my world is all about sh!t these days...
Seriously, I feel like poop is almost at the top of my list for things that I think about/deal with/talk about/worry about. No joke.
First, there's Violet's whole constipation thing... Ugh, watching her go through this is shear torture to me. I literally have tears in my eyes when she is finally pooping because it is such a struggle for her. There are times where she is crying because she's pooping. Other times, I can just see her pushing so hard, and she does this weird little gasp thing because she's holding her breath while pushing. For real, if I'm nowhere near her, for example, she's in her crib about to go to nappy, but I hear that gasp sound, I know that she's pooping and that she will be crying for me any second.
I am trying to be supportive to her, so I sit right by her while she is going, and now I even hold her hand. She even asks me to hold her hand when she is finally going to go poop. I continue to reassure her that it's OK to go poopoo, and she should try to go poopoo every day so that it doesn't give her "owie." Any time she poops, it's like a huge celebration while I'm changing her diaper. I'm all happy and excited and high-fiving her, no matter how disgusting it smells or looks or that it got all over the floor or whatever, because I want her to know that pooping is a good thing!
The pediatrician had me change her diet. I might have mentioned that to you before. I cut down on her diary consumption, and increased fruits, like berries. They also told me to start giving her fiber gummies. I think that has all helped a little bit, but not enough. I am going to call them again, because I think we might need to give her miralax or something.
So yeah, that's just me worrying about poop!
Along those same lines, I feel like I'm always talking to Violet's teachers at daycare about poop. Letting them know that she hasn't pooped in a while, so try giving her apple juice. Asking if she pooped today? And if she did, what did it look like? Did she cry during it? How much was there?
Poop, poop, poop!
I even made up a catchy little song to the Bagel Bites commercial tune all about poop. Will was my inspiration, as I was changing him for what seemed like the millionth time one day...
"Poop in the morning! Poop in the evening! Poop at supper time! When you poopoo in a diaper, you can go poopoo anytime!"
I know, I'm so creative... Here's the Bagel Bites commercial I was talking about...
Speaking of Will... I feel like the majority of his poopy diapers end up being blow-outs! How does this kid produce so much poop!?!?!? Lately, when he wakes up from nap, I walk in to find his crib covered in poop because it all came out the back of his diaper. And he is doing that awesome thing where he fights through every diaper change, so poop is smearing everywhere. And he tries to grab his junk, which has poop on it, and I'm just like, AH! Don't touch!
This morning, he was up around 6:30am, but I didn't get him right away, because it's a work day so I was getting myself ready. And he wasn't crying or even fussing. I could just hear him "singing" and "talking" in his crib.
As soon as I open the door to his room... Whoa! The smell hits me! And then I see that he has poop (like water-poop) all over his crib sheets and his jammies! What!?!? I bring him to the changing table, and start stripping off his jammies, and it is just everywhere. I did my best to wipe up what I could, and then I had to give him spa because it was just EVERYWHERE! Ugh, on a work day!?!?! We are already running late! I just had to leave the girls at the kitchen table eating their cheerios while I put him in the bathtub and scrubbed him off...
And I left his crib mess for me to clean up when we got home... mmm, nummy... :-P
Hey, guess what? Poop.
Everyone had poopy diapers this evening after dinner too. Which is great, because that means Violet pooped. But it was just A LOT of poopy diapers to change, right in a row. And plus I had to clean up Will's crib. So tonight was pretty sh!tty!
So yeah, I've already felt like the world took a big sh!t on my life, figuratively. And then I deal with sh!t all day, literally.
Oh well... maybe someday I'll tell the kids about your goal to poop at every Meijer store's bathroom. It's a great thing for our bucket list, right? :-)
POOP!
Ok, that's it. Lovebuckets!
Oh, Update/PS - I was re-reading this just now, and remember how I emailed you about speaking "Fluent Sarah" a few weeks ago? Well, I totally forgot about the word we used to say all the time: "Poop-a-loop!" Like, I'd tell you that somebody pooped today, and you'd say "Poop-a-loop?" Or I'd start changing a diaper, and I'd be like "Ah, you have poop-a-loop!" I don't know, we were weird. But I loved our weirdness... Missing you...
How's it going? Oh, you know, my world is all about sh!t these days...
Seriously, I feel like poop is almost at the top of my list for things that I think about/deal with/talk about/worry about. No joke.
 |
| Click for image source |
I am trying to be supportive to her, so I sit right by her while she is going, and now I even hold her hand. She even asks me to hold her hand when she is finally going to go poop. I continue to reassure her that it's OK to go poopoo, and she should try to go poopoo every day so that it doesn't give her "owie." Any time she poops, it's like a huge celebration while I'm changing her diaper. I'm all happy and excited and high-fiving her, no matter how disgusting it smells or looks or that it got all over the floor or whatever, because I want her to know that pooping is a good thing!
The pediatrician had me change her diet. I might have mentioned that to you before. I cut down on her diary consumption, and increased fruits, like berries. They also told me to start giving her fiber gummies. I think that has all helped a little bit, but not enough. I am going to call them again, because I think we might need to give her miralax or something.
So yeah, that's just me worrying about poop!
 |
| Click for image source |
Poop, poop, poop!
I even made up a catchy little song to the Bagel Bites commercial tune all about poop. Will was my inspiration, as I was changing him for what seemed like the millionth time one day...
"Poop in the morning! Poop in the evening! Poop at supper time! When you poopoo in a diaper, you can go poopoo anytime!"
I know, I'm so creative... Here's the Bagel Bites commercial I was talking about...
Speaking of Will... I feel like the majority of his poopy diapers end up being blow-outs! How does this kid produce so much poop!?!?!? Lately, when he wakes up from nap, I walk in to find his crib covered in poop because it all came out the back of his diaper. And he is doing that awesome thing where he fights through every diaper change, so poop is smearing everywhere. And he tries to grab his junk, which has poop on it, and I'm just like, AH! Don't touch!
This morning, he was up around 6:30am, but I didn't get him right away, because it's a work day so I was getting myself ready. And he wasn't crying or even fussing. I could just hear him "singing" and "talking" in his crib.
As soon as I open the door to his room... Whoa! The smell hits me! And then I see that he has poop (like water-poop) all over his crib sheets and his jammies! What!?!? I bring him to the changing table, and start stripping off his jammies, and it is just everywhere. I did my best to wipe up what I could, and then I had to give him spa because it was just EVERYWHERE! Ugh, on a work day!?!?! We are already running late! I just had to leave the girls at the kitchen table eating their cheerios while I put him in the bathtub and scrubbed him off...
And I left his crib mess for me to clean up when we got home... mmm, nummy... :-P
Hey, guess what? Poop.
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| Click for image source |
Everyone had poopy diapers this evening after dinner too. Which is great, because that means Violet pooped. But it was just A LOT of poopy diapers to change, right in a row. And plus I had to clean up Will's crib. So tonight was pretty sh!tty!
So yeah, I've already felt like the world took a big sh!t on my life, figuratively. And then I deal with sh!t all day, literally.
Oh well... maybe someday I'll tell the kids about your goal to poop at every Meijer store's bathroom. It's a great thing for our bucket list, right? :-)
 |
| Click for image source |
Ok, that's it. Lovebuckets!
Oh, Update/PS - I was re-reading this just now, and remember how I emailed you about speaking "Fluent Sarah" a few weeks ago? Well, I totally forgot about the word we used to say all the time: "Poop-a-loop!" Like, I'd tell you that somebody pooped today, and you'd say "Poop-a-loop?" Or I'd start changing a diaper, and I'd be like "Ah, you have poop-a-loop!" I don't know, we were weird. But I loved our weirdness... Missing you...
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Meijer
Hey boo,
How's it going? It's Sunday night, and you know how I feel about that... bleh...
I took the kids to Meijer this morning. I needed to order Will's birthday cake for next weekend. I still can't believe he is going to be 1. I am freaking out about it!
Anyways, we wandered around there for a while, and picked up a few things. I can't really get a lot when I have all 3 of them, because there is no cart space! The girls sit in the big part of the cart, and Will sits where a child is actually supposed to sit, in the seat at the top of the cart. So yeah, I try to squish things in where ever I can. I keep my purse and the diaper bag in the part near my feet, where people usually put milk and stuff. It's just crazy, I need to figure out a better system with our Meijer visits...
So anyways, when I was checking out, the cashier was asked, "Are they triplets, or just really close in age...?"
Ha!
I smiled, and said "No. They are twins, and he is 15 months younger than them."
And she said "Wow, you must be busy!"
And in my head, I'm thinking 'You have no idea..." but on the outside, I just nod and smile.
And then she asked, "Are you going to have anymore?"
And I of course said, "Nope. I'm done." And she laughed. But in my head, I was thinking, um, not by choice lady! I actually wanted 1 more! But you kind of need a husband to have more babies! Ok, well, not necessarily... but for me, it's kind of a requirement...
Anyways, obviously this woman didn't know me or our crazy situation. She was just making small talk. But of course it totally made me feel blah, and miss you that much more! Sometimes it's nice to be "incognito" and not have people know our sad little story. And other times, it just makes the giant hole of what we are missing feel even bigger...
So yeah, that's my story. I just want my "before" life back so much. I miss being happy and looking forward to the future. I miss small talk that didn't depress me so much. I just MISS YOU!
Ok, that's it... Love.
How's it going? It's Sunday night, and you know how I feel about that... bleh...
I took the kids to Meijer this morning. I needed to order Will's birthday cake for next weekend. I still can't believe he is going to be 1. I am freaking out about it!
Anyways, we wandered around there for a while, and picked up a few things. I can't really get a lot when I have all 3 of them, because there is no cart space! The girls sit in the big part of the cart, and Will sits where a child is actually supposed to sit, in the seat at the top of the cart. So yeah, I try to squish things in where ever I can. I keep my purse and the diaper bag in the part near my feet, where people usually put milk and stuff. It's just crazy, I need to figure out a better system with our Meijer visits...
So anyways, when I was checking out, the cashier was asked, "Are they triplets, or just really close in age...?"
Ha!
I smiled, and said "No. They are twins, and he is 15 months younger than them."
And she said "Wow, you must be busy!"
And in my head, I'm thinking 'You have no idea..." but on the outside, I just nod and smile.
And then she asked, "Are you going to have anymore?"
And I of course said, "Nope. I'm done." And she laughed. But in my head, I was thinking, um, not by choice lady! I actually wanted 1 more! But you kind of need a husband to have more babies! Ok, well, not necessarily... but for me, it's kind of a requirement...
Anyways, obviously this woman didn't know me or our crazy situation. She was just making small talk. But of course it totally made me feel blah, and miss you that much more! Sometimes it's nice to be "incognito" and not have people know our sad little story. And other times, it just makes the giant hole of what we are missing feel even bigger...
So yeah, that's my story. I just want my "before" life back so much. I miss being happy and looking forward to the future. I miss small talk that didn't depress me so much. I just MISS YOU!
Ok, that's it... Love.
Monday, March 17, 2014
Smart Kids
Hey boo,
How's it going?
So, I have no idea what kids are supposed to know when and whatnot, but sometimes, they just blow me away and make me think they are super smart. But of course, there are also times that I see other people's kids, and I'm like, whoa, that kid is a genius, I need to teach our kids that!
Anyways, so you know how the girls LOVE books. Like, it's their favorite toy (although it's diminished a little since you died because I don't read to them as much, blah, I suck.) Well, they can totally "read" their favorite books. It's just by pictures, but still, they know the words! Like, "There's a Wocket in my Pocket", they tell me that there is a "bofa on the sofa" when I get to that page. And for "3 Little Pigs", Violet tells me when they are staying home, or going "wee-wee-wee". And then yesterday, I was reading them "Wherever You Are, My Love Will Find You" (saddest. book. ever. For me at least...) and Violet was all telling me "if working... playing... sitting with friends" and "paint til you blue" and "dance til you dizzy!", and just all sorts of stuff from that book.
Basically, I was super impressed.
I have no idea if that's normal or behind or ahead, but either way, I think it's pretty amazing. It is absolutely incredible to watch these kids learn new things.
I just wish you were here to see it all.
I miss you.
Hearts.
How's it going?
So, I have no idea what kids are supposed to know when and whatnot, but sometimes, they just blow me away and make me think they are super smart. But of course, there are also times that I see other people's kids, and I'm like, whoa, that kid is a genius, I need to teach our kids that!
Anyways, so you know how the girls LOVE books. Like, it's their favorite toy (although it's diminished a little since you died because I don't read to them as much, blah, I suck.) Well, they can totally "read" their favorite books. It's just by pictures, but still, they know the words! Like, "There's a Wocket in my Pocket", they tell me that there is a "bofa on the sofa" when I get to that page. And for "3 Little Pigs", Violet tells me when they are staying home, or going "wee-wee-wee". And then yesterday, I was reading them "Wherever You Are, My Love Will Find You" (saddest. book. ever. For me at least...) and Violet was all telling me "if working... playing... sitting with friends" and "paint til you blue" and "dance til you dizzy!", and just all sorts of stuff from that book.
Basically, I was super impressed.
I have no idea if that's normal or behind or ahead, but either way, I think it's pretty amazing. It is absolutely incredible to watch these kids learn new things.
I just wish you were here to see it all.
I miss you.
Hearts.
Goose Egg
Hey boo,
How's it going?
So, this weekend, I was throwing something away in the trash that is in the closet near the door to the garage, and I boomed my forehead against the door-frame of the closet SO HARD!
Seriously, I have no idea how I even did it. It's like I have no concept of spacial recognition or whatever it is. It was definitely one of my more airhead-ey moves... Like the one time I closed my hair in the car door when I was first meeting your parents. Or the other time I tried to "trick" off a fence, and instead, went through the fence and smashed my head on the ground and scraped up my shins.
So, yeah, it was so hard that I actually got a goose egg on my forehead! I don't even know the last time I had a goose egg. Have I ever even had a goose egg?!?! Who knows!
Anyways, it still hurts, so that is why I remembered to tell you about it. Like, when I put lotion or make up on it, it's like pushing on a bruise. I bet if you were here, you would push on it, and be like "Does that hurt?" to which I would yell "Yes!". You were awesome like that. :-)
Anyways, that's it. As always, I miss you lots!
Hearts!
How's it going?
So, this weekend, I was throwing something away in the trash that is in the closet near the door to the garage, and I boomed my forehead against the door-frame of the closet SO HARD!
Seriously, I have no idea how I even did it. It's like I have no concept of spacial recognition or whatever it is. It was definitely one of my more airhead-ey moves... Like the one time I closed my hair in the car door when I was first meeting your parents. Or the other time I tried to "trick" off a fence, and instead, went through the fence and smashed my head on the ground and scraped up my shins.
So, yeah, it was so hard that I actually got a goose egg on my forehead! I don't even know the last time I had a goose egg. Have I ever even had a goose egg?!?! Who knows!
Anyways, it still hurts, so that is why I remembered to tell you about it. Like, when I put lotion or make up on it, it's like pushing on a bruise. I bet if you were here, you would push on it, and be like "Does that hurt?" to which I would yell "Yes!". You were awesome like that. :-)
Anyways, that's it. As always, I miss you lots!
Hearts!
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Winter
Hey boo,
How's it going? I am pretty darn sick of winter right now.
I am incredibly disconnected from the rest of the world. Sometimes I'm like, whoa, the world is still turning? So I pretty much have no clue what's going on out there. And that always causes the weather to be a big surprise to me each day!
It's been "warming up" a little for the past few days. But this morning, I open the garage, and I see that it snowed overnight. Bleh...
And it was slippery out! I almost rear-ended a car just leaving our neighborhood. I seriously had to bail out and turn into the right-turn lane (I was planning on turning left) so that I didn't hit him. I hope he doesn't think I'm too much of an idiot.
There were also 2 cars in the ditch just outside of our neighborhood. I never would have been able to turn left anyways, so I guess it's kind of a good thing that I ended up going right... There was also a car in a huge snowbank just across the street from the kids daycare. So yeah, the roads sucked.
So, sometimes the "positive" that I see in our situation is that at least I'm not worrying about you driving to work in the mess that this winter has been. I don't think the Civic would do very well on all those country north/south roads where the drifts are horrible.
Remember how I would FREAK out if you didn't respond to my email of "Hey boo, how's it going? Did you make it to work OK?" If I didn't hear from you within 30-45 minutes of when you should have arrived at work, I would start calling your cell phone. If you didn't answer, then I'd call your office phone. And if you didn't answer, I would repeat that probably every 10 minutes! And then I'd eventually get an email from you saying that you had to run to a meeting first thing so you didn't get a chance to check in... Ugh... Those times were the worst!
But really, I'd MUCH rather worry about your drive, than have you not here... So I guess it's not really a positive at all...
Hey, have I told you that I miss you yet? Oh, well I do. Times a million.
Hearts.
How's it going? I am pretty darn sick of winter right now.
I am incredibly disconnected from the rest of the world. Sometimes I'm like, whoa, the world is still turning? So I pretty much have no clue what's going on out there. And that always causes the weather to be a big surprise to me each day!
It's been "warming up" a little for the past few days. But this morning, I open the garage, and I see that it snowed overnight. Bleh...
And it was slippery out! I almost rear-ended a car just leaving our neighborhood. I seriously had to bail out and turn into the right-turn lane (I was planning on turning left) so that I didn't hit him. I hope he doesn't think I'm too much of an idiot.
There were also 2 cars in the ditch just outside of our neighborhood. I never would have been able to turn left anyways, so I guess it's kind of a good thing that I ended up going right... There was also a car in a huge snowbank just across the street from the kids daycare. So yeah, the roads sucked.
So, sometimes the "positive" that I see in our situation is that at least I'm not worrying about you driving to work in the mess that this winter has been. I don't think the Civic would do very well on all those country north/south roads where the drifts are horrible.
Remember how I would FREAK out if you didn't respond to my email of "Hey boo, how's it going? Did you make it to work OK?" If I didn't hear from you within 30-45 minutes of when you should have arrived at work, I would start calling your cell phone. If you didn't answer, then I'd call your office phone. And if you didn't answer, I would repeat that probably every 10 minutes! And then I'd eventually get an email from you saying that you had to run to a meeting first thing so you didn't get a chance to check in... Ugh... Those times were the worst!
But really, I'd MUCH rather worry about your drive, than have you not here... So I guess it's not really a positive at all...
Hey, have I told you that I miss you yet? Oh, well I do. Times a million.
Hearts.
Monday, March 10, 2014
How am I supposed to do this?!??!
Hey boo,
How's it going? I'm absolutely horrible.
How the frick am I supposed to do this on my own?!?!??
Our kids are going to be so fucked up. I just don't know what I'm doing. And I'm messing them up because I'm struggling/drowning/a hot mess of crazy.
I need you here so much. Being a mommy and daddy at the same time sucks. Our parenting styles were so complimentary to each other... And now it's just me. I try/have to fill the gaps of what you would do, but it is so challenging, because the things that you would do are just not my style.
Ever since I read that damn article, I have been over-analyzing every parenting thing I do. Seriously, EVERYTHING. Even as I am saying something or doing something with the kids, I am thinking to myself, "Is that what I'm supposed to be doing? Is that the right way to do it? If I had phrased that differently, would she have listened? If I had done something else, would the tantrum be over by now?"
I know I said that I wasn't going to think about it, but I can't help it. I can't erase the words from my mind. It has fricken screwed me up. A part of me feels like maybe everything is going to shit because I lost any confidence that I may have had. I used to think that I was doing kinda OK-ish in relation to everything that has happened to us. But now I am just lost. I feel like our kids behavior is a direct reflection of my parenting, and their behavior is just showing what a sucky ass job I'm doing.
Today was particularly bad. As soon as I picked up the girls from their room at daycare, Violet was off and running down the hall. Then of course Charlotte is following her. The teacher is trying to talk to me about their day and stuff, as I'm trying to yell to them to stop and come back by me. Another teacher happened to be walking down the hall towards us and was able to stop Violet and get her to come back. It's just fricken embarrassing. Why won't she listen to me?!?! Clearly because I suck at teaching her to listen!
Then as we are finally ready to leave their classroom, Violet is off running again. I am yelling for her to stop and walk, but she just keeps going, laughing her head off and being goofy. She runs all the way to lobby and runs to the office door (which she has never even gone near before!) and is all trying to open it. I had to leave poor brother in his stroller to go running after her and get her to stop. I have no idea what got into her today!
And then, we go outside to get into the car, and she is all crazy and trying to play in the bushes by the sidewalk. Again, I told her to stop, and stand by brother's stroller, and she didn't even look at me. I grabbed her and Charlotte and brought them back on the sidewalk and tried to talk to them, and calm them down, because they were seriously riled up, but Violet just kept fighting me to get away. I finally just had to pick them both up and load them in the van (I usually load Will first).
I bring them in through the trunk of the van because they are still in the rear-facing seat arrangement. As I'm trying to buckle in Violet, she is still fighting me. I finally have to tell her that if she is a good-listener and sits on her butt, then she can have a sticker. But she didn't care and just kept fighting. As I was wrestling her into the seat, Charlotte gets up to the front of the van, and dumps out a 3/4 full can of Diet Coke all over everything that was in the passenger seat, including my purse and coat.
All I could say was "Charlotte!!! Oh my word!!!" I was just so shocked. She knew she had done something bad though, and came right back to me and I was able to put her in her carseat easily. I couldn't even figure out what to say, I was just so overwhelmed by everything that had been going on.
Anyways, I am finally able to load Will in, and then I have to load the stroller and all their bags, and we are able to hit the road. Seriously, the 15-20 minutes of pick-up is EXHAUSTING! It's not usually this bad, but it is still such a struggle. And it's the worst, because I know you won't be at home for me to confide in and talk about the entire stressful ordeal... You won't be hear to laugh about, or give advice, or just give me a hug. I just have to go home, and somehow manage to feed these 3 crazy kids dinner on my own. Even when my mom or our mommy's helper is there to help with dinner, it is still such a challenge because I'm the one running around trying to get food on the table, and get the kids fed. My helpers only deal with feeding Will, and he is the easy one!
I just don't know how I'm going to do this. Our kids are going to be the biggest brats because I don't know what I'm doing. Sure, I can read books to them and play with them and do crafts, but I have no idea how to discipline them. That was always your area of expertise. You just had a way of doing it, and the girls would always listen to you. You were the one to set up their bedtime routine. You were the one to teach them to sit down in the spa and on the towel on the ground, so they don't slip and crack their head open. You were the one to teach them how to go down the stairs...
I just CAN'T DO EVERYTHING!
Seriously, I am up at night always worrying about our kids' futures. I stress out that the girls are going to have "daddy issues" and end up running away with a 40 year old man when they are only 16. I stress out that Will is going to end up in juvie because he didn't have a positive male role model in his life. I know it's so stereotypical, but seriously, aren't those really reasons why those things happen to some kids?!?!
And they are going to hate me because I'm always Mean Momma, or Stressed Out Momma, or Crying Momma because I just don't know how to parent these kids. I am never able to just be Enjoy The Moment Momma, which is the Momma I had always dreamed of being.
Not only will our kids never know YOU, but our kids will never really KNOW their REAL Momma. Yeah yeah, I'm their real mom, but you know what I'm trying to say... They will never know ME. The ME that I used to be. They are stuck with this broken Momma, who is screwing up their most impressionable time in their lives. The time where we are supposed to be laying this wonderful foundation for our kids to grow on. Now I'm just trying to throw some rocks in a pile and hope that they can stand on it.
Yeah, being responsible for 3 little lives sucks. Remember once upon a time when I loved it? Yeah, I'm not really sure that ever happened either, I think it was just a dream...
Anyways, that is my crazy person rant. I'm sorry for screwing up our kids so much. Please don't be mad at me.
Hearts.
How's it going? I'm absolutely horrible.
How the frick am I supposed to do this on my own?!?!??
Our kids are going to be so fucked up. I just don't know what I'm doing. And I'm messing them up because I'm struggling/drowning/a hot mess of crazy.
I need you here so much. Being a mommy and daddy at the same time sucks. Our parenting styles were so complimentary to each other... And now it's just me. I try/have to fill the gaps of what you would do, but it is so challenging, because the things that you would do are just not my style.
Ever since I read that damn article, I have been over-analyzing every parenting thing I do. Seriously, EVERYTHING. Even as I am saying something or doing something with the kids, I am thinking to myself, "Is that what I'm supposed to be doing? Is that the right way to do it? If I had phrased that differently, would she have listened? If I had done something else, would the tantrum be over by now?"
I know I said that I wasn't going to think about it, but I can't help it. I can't erase the words from my mind. It has fricken screwed me up. A part of me feels like maybe everything is going to shit because I lost any confidence that I may have had. I used to think that I was doing kinda OK-ish in relation to everything that has happened to us. But now I am just lost. I feel like our kids behavior is a direct reflection of my parenting, and their behavior is just showing what a sucky ass job I'm doing.
Today was particularly bad. As soon as I picked up the girls from their room at daycare, Violet was off and running down the hall. Then of course Charlotte is following her. The teacher is trying to talk to me about their day and stuff, as I'm trying to yell to them to stop and come back by me. Another teacher happened to be walking down the hall towards us and was able to stop Violet and get her to come back. It's just fricken embarrassing. Why won't she listen to me?!?! Clearly because I suck at teaching her to listen!
Then as we are finally ready to leave their classroom, Violet is off running again. I am yelling for her to stop and walk, but she just keeps going, laughing her head off and being goofy. She runs all the way to lobby and runs to the office door (which she has never even gone near before!) and is all trying to open it. I had to leave poor brother in his stroller to go running after her and get her to stop. I have no idea what got into her today!
And then, we go outside to get into the car, and she is all crazy and trying to play in the bushes by the sidewalk. Again, I told her to stop, and stand by brother's stroller, and she didn't even look at me. I grabbed her and Charlotte and brought them back on the sidewalk and tried to talk to them, and calm them down, because they were seriously riled up, but Violet just kept fighting me to get away. I finally just had to pick them both up and load them in the van (I usually load Will first).
I bring them in through the trunk of the van because they are still in the rear-facing seat arrangement. As I'm trying to buckle in Violet, she is still fighting me. I finally have to tell her that if she is a good-listener and sits on her butt, then she can have a sticker. But she didn't care and just kept fighting. As I was wrestling her into the seat, Charlotte gets up to the front of the van, and dumps out a 3/4 full can of Diet Coke all over everything that was in the passenger seat, including my purse and coat.
All I could say was "Charlotte!!! Oh my word!!!" I was just so shocked. She knew she had done something bad though, and came right back to me and I was able to put her in her carseat easily. I couldn't even figure out what to say, I was just so overwhelmed by everything that had been going on.
Anyways, I am finally able to load Will in, and then I have to load the stroller and all their bags, and we are able to hit the road. Seriously, the 15-20 minutes of pick-up is EXHAUSTING! It's not usually this bad, but it is still such a struggle. And it's the worst, because I know you won't be at home for me to confide in and talk about the entire stressful ordeal... You won't be hear to laugh about, or give advice, or just give me a hug. I just have to go home, and somehow manage to feed these 3 crazy kids dinner on my own. Even when my mom or our mommy's helper is there to help with dinner, it is still such a challenge because I'm the one running around trying to get food on the table, and get the kids fed. My helpers only deal with feeding Will, and he is the easy one!
I just don't know how I'm going to do this. Our kids are going to be the biggest brats because I don't know what I'm doing. Sure, I can read books to them and play with them and do crafts, but I have no idea how to discipline them. That was always your area of expertise. You just had a way of doing it, and the girls would always listen to you. You were the one to set up their bedtime routine. You were the one to teach them to sit down in the spa and on the towel on the ground, so they don't slip and crack their head open. You were the one to teach them how to go down the stairs...
I just CAN'T DO EVERYTHING!
Seriously, I am up at night always worrying about our kids' futures. I stress out that the girls are going to have "daddy issues" and end up running away with a 40 year old man when they are only 16. I stress out that Will is going to end up in juvie because he didn't have a positive male role model in his life. I know it's so stereotypical, but seriously, aren't those really reasons why those things happen to some kids?!?!
And they are going to hate me because I'm always Mean Momma, or Stressed Out Momma, or Crying Momma because I just don't know how to parent these kids. I am never able to just be Enjoy The Moment Momma, which is the Momma I had always dreamed of being.
Not only will our kids never know YOU, but our kids will never really KNOW their REAL Momma. Yeah yeah, I'm their real mom, but you know what I'm trying to say... They will never know ME. The ME that I used to be. They are stuck with this broken Momma, who is screwing up their most impressionable time in their lives. The time where we are supposed to be laying this wonderful foundation for our kids to grow on. Now I'm just trying to throw some rocks in a pile and hope that they can stand on it.
Yeah, being responsible for 3 little lives sucks. Remember once upon a time when I loved it? Yeah, I'm not really sure that ever happened either, I think it was just a dream...
Anyways, that is my crazy person rant. I'm sorry for screwing up our kids so much. Please don't be mad at me.
Hearts.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Vitale's
Hey boo,
How's it going? I'm about to be in a food coma!
I just discovered that Vitale's delivers FOOD! As in food other than pizza! I'm pretty pumped about it.
I was so hungry, that when I was looking at the menu, I was in the "I'll have one of everything" mood. But I just ordered a cheeseburger and fries because it sounded good for some reason.
This new discover is going to be a problem. For my wallet and my waistline!
Yum-oh!
Now if only Chinese delivered, that would just make my day!
Ok, that's it. Hearts!
How's it going? I'm about to be in a food coma!
I just discovered that Vitale's delivers FOOD! As in food other than pizza! I'm pretty pumped about it.
I was so hungry, that when I was looking at the menu, I was in the "I'll have one of everything" mood. But I just ordered a cheeseburger and fries because it sounded good for some reason.
This new discover is going to be a problem. For my wallet and my waistline!
Yum-oh!
Now if only Chinese delivered, that would just make my day!
Ok, that's it. Hearts!
Will's Hair
Hey boo,
How's it going?
So, I feel like I need to learn how to cut Will's hair on my own. I swear his hair grows at lightning speed! It's going to get expensive bringing him in for haircuts all the time!
I'm debating on getting it cut even shorter, so maybe that will increase the amount of time between haircuts... but I just love his hair!
He just had a haircut a few weeks ago, and he needs one again. He's getting pictures taken at the end of the month, and I don't his hair to be all over his ears and looking like a mullet in the back...
Ugh... Boys are hard to take care of!
K, that's it. Hearts!
How's it going?
So, I feel like I need to learn how to cut Will's hair on my own. I swear his hair grows at lightning speed! It's going to get expensive bringing him in for haircuts all the time!
I'm debating on getting it cut even shorter, so maybe that will increase the amount of time between haircuts... but I just love his hair!
He just had a haircut a few weeks ago, and he needs one again. He's getting pictures taken at the end of the month, and I don't his hair to be all over his ears and looking like a mullet in the back...
Ugh... Boys are hard to take care of!
K, that's it. Hearts!
Saturday, March 8, 2014
7 Months
Hey boo,
How's it going?
So, I was just looking at the calendar and realized that 2 days ago, it was the 7-month mark.
How is it that time is flying and crawling at the same time?
I never know what day it is anymore. I am just so scatterbrained.
I still can't believe you are gone. Is this real life?
I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.
Love.
How's it going?
So, I was just looking at the calendar and realized that 2 days ago, it was the 7-month mark.
How is it that time is flying and crawling at the same time?
I never know what day it is anymore. I am just so scatterbrained.
I still can't believe you are gone. Is this real life?
I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.
Love.
Potty Training
Hey Boo,
How's it going?
So... potty training... yeah...
Can I just say, how the frick am I supposed to potty train 2 kids at once?!?!
The girls are totally ready for it. But I'm not. Even though it will save us money on diapers and it probably would be easier than changing diapers all the time, I have absolutely no desire to potty train the girls. It just sounds exhausting to me.
They go on the potty all the time at school. I feel like there are many days where they go every single time they are put on the potty. They still go in their diapers, but I'm pretty sure that's a good sign that they are ready for it.
And at home, they ask me to go on the potty. Violet usually asks to go when she has to go poo-poo. She's gone #2 on the potty twice for me in the last couple months. And even if she doesn't go #2, she usually does #1.
And it's so hard, because sometimes they want to go potty on the potty, and it's like, Really? We're in the middle of eating dinner... ugh... Or, Really? We are trying to get out the door in the morning before work/school, and it takes like 20 minutes to do the whole potty thing with 2 kids (taking the pants/diaper off, sitting on the potty, waiting for them to go or not go, wiping, putting diaper and pants back on, washing hands, cleaning up the potties)! Seriously, ugh...
And I just want to tell them to wait, or just go in their diaper. And I have done that before. And I know that it is probably horrible, and totally counteractive, and now that will just make them so confused when I really start to potty train them...
Ugh...
Also, it is so hard to celebrate and be like "Yay for going on the potty!" when there are 2 little toddlers running around with no pants on in our teeny tiny bathroom, with 2 little potties that they are trying move after there is already pee-pee in them. And if brother is crying in the kitchen, it's even worse! It's basically just mad chaos, and I have no idea what to do. I feel like I'm yelling at them more than celebrating. "No, don't touch the pee-pee." "No don't pick up the potty." "Just stay sitting down and I will put your pants on when I'm done putting sister's pants on." "Just sit down, because now I have to wash sister's hands. It's almost your turn to get cleaned up."
Seriously, I. DO. NOT. KNOW. WHAT. I'M. DOING.
However, I can see that there might be some advantage to training 2 at once. Because the girls love to copy each other. So if one goes, then the other goes...
But that's probably the only positive in this whole situation...
I feel like I always hear that you shouldn't potty train your kids when a big change is coming up, or around the time of a stressful event. Well, I feel like a PARENT shouldn't potty train while experiencing a traumatic event!
So anyways, that's the latest... I have no idea what my plan is with that whole thing. But it's just another thing that I stress out about.
K, that's it. Hearts.
How's it going?
So... potty training... yeah...
Can I just say, how the frick am I supposed to potty train 2 kids at once?!?!
The girls are totally ready for it. But I'm not. Even though it will save us money on diapers and it probably would be easier than changing diapers all the time, I have absolutely no desire to potty train the girls. It just sounds exhausting to me.
They go on the potty all the time at school. I feel like there are many days where they go every single time they are put on the potty. They still go in their diapers, but I'm pretty sure that's a good sign that they are ready for it.
And at home, they ask me to go on the potty. Violet usually asks to go when she has to go poo-poo. She's gone #2 on the potty twice for me in the last couple months. And even if she doesn't go #2, she usually does #1.
And it's so hard, because sometimes they want to go potty on the potty, and it's like, Really? We're in the middle of eating dinner... ugh... Or, Really? We are trying to get out the door in the morning before work/school, and it takes like 20 minutes to do the whole potty thing with 2 kids (taking the pants/diaper off, sitting on the potty, waiting for them to go or not go, wiping, putting diaper and pants back on, washing hands, cleaning up the potties)! Seriously, ugh...
And I just want to tell them to wait, or just go in their diaper. And I have done that before. And I know that it is probably horrible, and totally counteractive, and now that will just make them so confused when I really start to potty train them...
Ugh...
Also, it is so hard to celebrate and be like "Yay for going on the potty!" when there are 2 little toddlers running around with no pants on in our teeny tiny bathroom, with 2 little potties that they are trying move after there is already pee-pee in them. And if brother is crying in the kitchen, it's even worse! It's basically just mad chaos, and I have no idea what to do. I feel like I'm yelling at them more than celebrating. "No, don't touch the pee-pee." "No don't pick up the potty." "Just stay sitting down and I will put your pants on when I'm done putting sister's pants on." "Just sit down, because now I have to wash sister's hands. It's almost your turn to get cleaned up."
Seriously, I. DO. NOT. KNOW. WHAT. I'M. DOING.
However, I can see that there might be some advantage to training 2 at once. Because the girls love to copy each other. So if one goes, then the other goes...
But that's probably the only positive in this whole situation...
I feel like I always hear that you shouldn't potty train your kids when a big change is coming up, or around the time of a stressful event. Well, I feel like a PARENT shouldn't potty train while experiencing a traumatic event!
So anyways, that's the latest... I have no idea what my plan is with that whole thing. But it's just another thing that I stress out about.
K, that's it. Hearts.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Genius Alert
Hey boo,
How's it going?
So, I ran to Target during lunch today, because I like going places during lunch to break up my day...
While I was there, I definitely spent a good minute or 2, digging through my purse looking for my car key...
...Only to realize that it was in my hand.
Yup, genius alert!
Just thought I'd share that you married the smartest woman ever!
Hearts!
How's it going?
So, I ran to Target during lunch today, because I like going places during lunch to break up my day...
While I was there, I definitely spent a good minute or 2, digging through my purse looking for my car key...
...Only to realize that it was in my hand.
Yup, genius alert!
Just thought I'd share that you married the smartest woman ever!
Hearts!
Monday, March 3, 2014
A Day in the Life...
Hey boo,
How's it going?
So, ya know how I always said that I wish we were on a reality TV show, because then there would be cameras around, capturing EVERY SINGLE moment of our lives? But for some reason it seems like the only time I ever whip out my camera or video camera is when the kids are doing something super cool, or we are doing something fun? Well, I'm trying to whip it out when we are doing the absolute most mundane things ever. Because I want EVERY MOMENT captured. "Cool" or not.
Like a typical day when we are just eating breakfast.
Or just random playtime, when nothing special is going on, nobody is doing any "new tricks." Just playing with toys.
Because like this quote says, someday those mundane things are going to be the true special moments. Actually, those things are pretty darn special right now. Just having this "ordinary" time with the kids. But I want to REMEMBER them.
Despite videoing "normal" times, I still can't capture EVERYTHING. I try to take a "mental snapshot" of certain moments and burn that image, or sound, or moment into my head.
Like a few weeks ago when the winter Olympics were on... I had the TV on and ice skating was showing. Charlotte pointed to it and said "Spin around!" And I said "Yup, she is spinning around." And in my head I thought, 'Oh my word, what if someday Charlotte grows up to be an ice skater? This would be the first time she was ever exposed to it! I have to remember it, just in case!" I know, it's silly! But there was a commercial (I think it was P&G) that showed moms helping out there kids since they were tiny, as they worked at their sport to become Olympians.
What if our kids become Olympians someday?
The girls are also singing a lot more. "Baa baa black sheep baa wool!" is one of their current faves. What if someday they are Broadway singers?!?!? "Remember remember remember their early days of singing," I tell myself.
And Will has a little teeny tiny basketball hoop. He'll "slam dunk" the ball and then look at me. What if someday he's in a basketball game and "dunks" it, and then turns to look at me in the crowd. Jiminy Christmas, it makes me tear up just thinking about it! But I want to remember his FIRST dunk forever!
Obviously, I have high hopes for our kids. What parent doesn't? Even if they end up being something "boring," like an accountant, I will remember their early days of counting. "Two, three, two, five, six, seven, eight..." For some reason, they always skip 4, and they never start at one. But Violet made it up to 13 the other day, and Charlotte's gone up to eleven. We count the steps as we go up the stairs. We count their goldfish crackers, or their pieces of sausage. We count a lot of stuff. So if they are accountants, I'll tell them all about it someday.
Remember. Remember. Remember.
Like I said before, it's all about the little things...
Anyways, here's one of our "mundane" videos of playtime. Just another day in the life...
Hearts!
How's it going?
So, ya know how I always said that I wish we were on a reality TV show, because then there would be cameras around, capturing EVERY SINGLE moment of our lives? But for some reason it seems like the only time I ever whip out my camera or video camera is when the kids are doing something super cool, or we are doing something fun? Well, I'm trying to whip it out when we are doing the absolute most mundane things ever. Because I want EVERY MOMENT captured. "Cool" or not.
Like a typical day when we are just eating breakfast.
Or just random playtime, when nothing special is going on, nobody is doing any "new tricks." Just playing with toys.
Because like this quote says, someday those mundane things are going to be the true special moments. Actually, those things are pretty darn special right now. Just having this "ordinary" time with the kids. But I want to REMEMBER them.
 |
| Not sure of original source, found in Google Image search. |
Despite videoing "normal" times, I still can't capture EVERYTHING. I try to take a "mental snapshot" of certain moments and burn that image, or sound, or moment into my head.
Like a few weeks ago when the winter Olympics were on... I had the TV on and ice skating was showing. Charlotte pointed to it and said "Spin around!" And I said "Yup, she is spinning around." And in my head I thought, 'Oh my word, what if someday Charlotte grows up to be an ice skater? This would be the first time she was ever exposed to it! I have to remember it, just in case!" I know, it's silly! But there was a commercial (I think it was P&G) that showed moms helping out there kids since they were tiny, as they worked at their sport to become Olympians.
What if our kids become Olympians someday?
The girls are also singing a lot more. "Baa baa black sheep baa wool!" is one of their current faves. What if someday they are Broadway singers?!?!? "Remember remember remember their early days of singing," I tell myself.
And Will has a little teeny tiny basketball hoop. He'll "slam dunk" the ball and then look at me. What if someday he's in a basketball game and "dunks" it, and then turns to look at me in the crowd. Jiminy Christmas, it makes me tear up just thinking about it! But I want to remember his FIRST dunk forever!
Obviously, I have high hopes for our kids. What parent doesn't? Even if they end up being something "boring," like an accountant, I will remember their early days of counting. "Two, three, two, five, six, seven, eight..." For some reason, they always skip 4, and they never start at one. But Violet made it up to 13 the other day, and Charlotte's gone up to eleven. We count the steps as we go up the stairs. We count their goldfish crackers, or their pieces of sausage. We count a lot of stuff. So if they are accountants, I'll tell them all about it someday.
Remember. Remember. Remember.
Like I said before, it's all about the little things...
Anyways, here's one of our "mundane" videos of playtime. Just another day in the life...
Hearts!
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Fluent Sarah
Hey boo,
How's it going?
So, I can't remember if I wrote you about this already, but every since you died, my vocabulary has changed.
I would say that you spoke fluent "Sarah." As in, I had my own language, and you totally understood it. And you even joined in on some of it. Maybe the language actually became "SarahChaz" because we were the only ones who could speak and understand it...
But now, I can't talk the same way I used to, because nobody would get it.
Who would understand if I said "There's a package on the dock."? Nobody. Now I just have to say, "There's a package by the front door."
But a little bit of our language is starting to slip back in every once in a while...
Last week, I called Will a "sicky moo." Pretty much "moo" could follow anything in relation to the kids, because they are my "little moos." :-) I hadn't said "moo" with anything in almost 7 months... It felt weird to say it again!
Then there are things that I didn't even notice that I still say, but the girls have said it to me, and it makes me laugh!
Violet has started describing things as "funny." For example, twice this weekend she said "My pants are funny." They were being too long, so she was stepping on them and needed me to roll them up.
I used to describe everything as "funny." It was basically a universal term to say that whatever object I referred to was not in it's typical/preferred form. Any time I would say something was "funny", you would go "Ha!" :-) You were hilarious like that.
It was pretty hilarious hearing Violet say it.
So maybe I will pass on a little bit of our language to them. And we'll probably keep adding to it too...
Missing you like whoa.
Hearts.
How's it going?
So, I can't remember if I wrote you about this already, but every since you died, my vocabulary has changed.
I would say that you spoke fluent "Sarah." As in, I had my own language, and you totally understood it. And you even joined in on some of it. Maybe the language actually became "SarahChaz" because we were the only ones who could speak and understand it...
But now, I can't talk the same way I used to, because nobody would get it.
Who would understand if I said "There's a package on the dock."? Nobody. Now I just have to say, "There's a package by the front door."
But a little bit of our language is starting to slip back in every once in a while...
Last week, I called Will a "sicky moo." Pretty much "moo" could follow anything in relation to the kids, because they are my "little moos." :-) I hadn't said "moo" with anything in almost 7 months... It felt weird to say it again!
Then there are things that I didn't even notice that I still say, but the girls have said it to me, and it makes me laugh!
Violet has started describing things as "funny." For example, twice this weekend she said "My pants are funny." They were being too long, so she was stepping on them and needed me to roll them up.
I used to describe everything as "funny." It was basically a universal term to say that whatever object I referred to was not in it's typical/preferred form. Any time I would say something was "funny", you would go "Ha!" :-) You were hilarious like that.
It was pretty hilarious hearing Violet say it.
So maybe I will pass on a little bit of our language to them. And we'll probably keep adding to it too...
Missing you like whoa.
Hearts.
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Mommy-Daddy Date Days
Hey boo,
How's it going?
I forgot that I wanted to tell you my idea so I don't forget...
So, remember how we used to have Mommy-Daddy Date Days, where we would send the kids to school, but take a vacation day from work. That way we didn't have to worry about getting a sitter, but still get time with just us, away from the kids.
Anyways, I NEVER get one-on-one time with any of the kids. And that's not fair to them. I feel like I'm always telling someone to "hang on" or "wait a minute" because I'm changing someone else's diaper, or comforting someone because they got hurt, or who knows what else.
It's not fair to me either. I love our babies and I want focused time with each one. I hate always being scatterbrained and rushed, and my attention divided in 3 different directions... I feel like I'm missing out on these precious days of baby-hood and toddler-hood.
So, I decided I'm going to do some Mommy-Kid Date Days this spring.
Hopefully by the time May roles around, I'll still have enough vacation time left... But I'll take a whole week off (so 3 days), and each day I will keep one kid OUT of daycare, but still send the other 2 TO daycare. And then I will have 1 whole day focused on that baby!
Sounds like a good plan, right?
My only concern is the girls. They NEVER have time apart. I think it might be a freak-out situation when I leave one at daycare and bring the other one home with me... I'll have to think about the logistics of that whole thing soon.
I figured I'd do it in May when it's warmer out, because then we could do something fun. Our kick-ass neighbors got our family a zoo membership for Christmas. So I was thinking I could bring each kid to the zoo, since we can go as often as we want. I might get sick of the zoo, but I think the kids will love it. And I'd hope they like spending time with me too!
So yeah, remind me that I'm going to do this. And I need to figure out how many vacation days I have left!
Ok, hearts!
How's it going?
I forgot that I wanted to tell you my idea so I don't forget...
So, remember how we used to have Mommy-Daddy Date Days, where we would send the kids to school, but take a vacation day from work. That way we didn't have to worry about getting a sitter, but still get time with just us, away from the kids.
Anyways, I NEVER get one-on-one time with any of the kids. And that's not fair to them. I feel like I'm always telling someone to "hang on" or "wait a minute" because I'm changing someone else's diaper, or comforting someone because they got hurt, or who knows what else.
It's not fair to me either. I love our babies and I want focused time with each one. I hate always being scatterbrained and rushed, and my attention divided in 3 different directions... I feel like I'm missing out on these precious days of baby-hood and toddler-hood.
So, I decided I'm going to do some Mommy-Kid Date Days this spring.
Hopefully by the time May roles around, I'll still have enough vacation time left... But I'll take a whole week off (so 3 days), and each day I will keep one kid OUT of daycare, but still send the other 2 TO daycare. And then I will have 1 whole day focused on that baby!
Sounds like a good plan, right?
My only concern is the girls. They NEVER have time apart. I think it might be a freak-out situation when I leave one at daycare and bring the other one home with me... I'll have to think about the logistics of that whole thing soon.
I figured I'd do it in May when it's warmer out, because then we could do something fun. Our kick-ass neighbors got our family a zoo membership for Christmas. So I was thinking I could bring each kid to the zoo, since we can go as often as we want. I might get sick of the zoo, but I think the kids will love it. And I'd hope they like spending time with me too!
So yeah, remind me that I'm going to do this. And I need to figure out how many vacation days I have left!
Ok, hearts!
Bad for Me Food
Hey Boo,
How's it going? I'm exhausted.
Sometimes I miss the stupidest things about you. Remember when you would call on your way home from work and ask "What's for dinner?" And I would say "Nothing, pick something up." And you would ask, "What do you want?" And I would say "Bad for me food and a keg of Diet Coke."
And you would know just what to get.
I miss that. I miss someone knowing me better than I know myself. I miss you.
Hearts.
How's it going? I'm exhausted.
Sometimes I miss the stupidest things about you. Remember when you would call on your way home from work and ask "What's for dinner?" And I would say "Nothing, pick something up." And you would ask, "What do you want?" And I would say "Bad for me food and a keg of Diet Coke."
And you would know just what to get.
I miss that. I miss someone knowing me better than I know myself. I miss you.
Hearts.
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